Life thru mommy eyes!

Recent Manisms!

2011-09-24T20:32:00.013-04:00

Being a mom of 2 little men brings new adventure every day.
I love seeing the world thru their eyes.

Here is a brief glimpse into that world:

Walking into the kitchen one day I found Woody hanging by his boots

I wonder what he did to be strung up like that?

Almost everything is surrounded by adventure for them.
I love their imagination.
Every day things transform into toys to them.
One of the current favorites is the steamer basket. Most of the time it is a spaceship of some sort but this day, it was a jail for the markers:

Driving somewhere a few weeks ago, there was a fly in the car & when Zac rolled down the window and started trying to wave it out G said
"stinky farts again dad?"

Vahn very much has his own sense of style right now. Some days its hard not to laugh when he insists on doing his own hair or picking out his own clothes.

"Mom do you like my hair?"

"I picked out all Red today Mom!"

We were at Home Depot & after several times telling the men to stop touching things & this is not a place to play - G said:
"it's NOT home depot it's play land"

"Dad do polices come when people break the law commandments?" G

"Dad do you know that Jesus is God? I knew that when I learned to ride a two wheeler" -V

Less than a month ago Vahn taught himself how to ride a 2 wheeler bike and he hasn't slowed down since.
Zac has been taking the Men to the skate park during the days while I"m at school and Vahn has NO fear.

Today, while out riding our bikes, Zac went down some stairs. Vahn thinking nothing of it followed him. When I asked Vahn if he went down the stairs he said "yeah it was scary!" "Did you know they were there?" "no" "are you going to do it again?" "I want to go down bigger ones!"

Gryphyn on the other hand approaches life with a bit more caution
- especially when it comes to eating vegetables

Gryphyn is creative and likes to figure out things work. I started homeschooling him this year and I really enjoy watching him learn. He amazes me with some of his answers.

MANISM MONDAY

2011-03-21T15:32:00.009-04:00

It has been a long time since I posted a MANISM Monday! - But seeing how I really dont feel like doing my homework today, its a good excuse :)

March 9th 2011

From the other room, I heard a crash followed by an “ouch”
So I call out “are you okay?”
Vahn replies “Yep I’m Awesome! - I have bandaides that come out of my arms if I get hurt”

A few minutes later another crash
“Are you being careful?”
“Yep I have superpowers bandaids come out of my arms - isn’t that awesome!”

Zac had to stay over night in the hospital a few weeks ago and we went to visit him the next day. The Men thought it was great fun to go for rides on the IV pole.

March 14th 2011

 “Are you hungry smalls? Do you want some breakfast?”
“No, I’ll just have candy!”

On Dr Seuss birthday, I took the Men to our local grocery store to decorate cookies and make bookmarks

I think Gryphyn's needs a few more sprinkles

March 19th 2011

I was helping Vahn get dressed and he kept reaching over and roughing up my hair so I said
“don’t mess up my hair Smalls” to which he replied
“But its all in circles”

Hair cut time

Vahn - “mom can I watch a movie?”
“No not right now bud”
“uhhhh I wanted you to say YES!”

Little Man Tears

March 21st 2011

Gryphyn - “Mom I can’t go to school today cuz my friends will get my germs
“Not if you cover your mouth when you cough”
“YES cuz I have coughs and sneezes and hiccups and I don’t want them to all get sick.”

My little artist - making a new creation

Saturday

2011-01-29T16:00:00.017-05:00

I LOVE lazy Saturday mornings.

Normally the mess and chaos of everyday life gets to me.
In fact, it absolutely drives me crazy most days!

You see, I am a super neat freak by nature. However, anyone with kids know that motherhood and neatness don't go well together. So I've slowly had to let that go (somewhat) so that I didn't absolutely loose my mind!

Don't get me wrong I'm still holding on to a lot of it.
For example:
~ All the toy bins are labeled with pictures of what go in them and neatly tucked into cabinets out of site.
~ The Men have to put away what they are done playing with before they can get out a new toy.
~ Toys, clothes, dishes - everything has to be put away before bedtime
~ The Mens things left out go in toy "time out" - usually for several days
&
~ I've been known to set timers that when they go off everyone has to pick up 5 toys and put them away.

Yeah, these don't always happen everyday - but somedays I turn into psycho clean mom and I'm sure my kids have a slight fear of touching anything.

Well today is Saturday
I have nowhere to be, and no immediate deadlines.
It's almost 2 in the afternoon and it isn't bothering me one bit that everyone is still in there pj's.

I love days like this!

Last night Zac and I stayed up late watching movies
so he let me sleep in until 11 today. Pure BLISS!
Actually when I started stirring he said something about
"keep going its not even noon yet"
That little comment was probably meant to be sarcastic
but it absolutely made my day.
Just the thought of being able to relax all day was the most wonderful feeling. I'm usually the first one up each day - showered, dressed and breakfast started before I even attempt to wake the Men.

Today, I lazily sat in front of my computer; eating cold pizza and catching up on everything online. The men were watching a movie and Zac was tucked safely in his office doing his thing. I sat here thinking how perfect today was!
How could I share that with others?
So I grabbed my camera in an attempt to capture this moment that i knew would soon be gone.

From my desk, I could see Vahn kicked back in the Love Sac watching a movie:

My desk was a mess - homework and studying to get to still
(but not due for days):

I knew the kitchen was also mess since I didn't clean it last night
so i wandered in there to take a look at the damage
Yep sink full of dishes:

But at least I had a good reason,
you see yesterday I cleaned out my van and the dishwasher was full of sticky toys":

You know how kids "have to" bring the toy they are playing with in the car whenever you go somewhere? Then soon your car is littered with toys
(cuz no one ever "has to" take them back in the house when you get home)
Well to solve this messy problem, I put a small trash can between the seats that the Men can each reach and keep their toys in. Somehow (probably having to do with children in the car) our box got something sticky spilled in it and all the toys were a mess.

As I cleaned and vacuumed the van out, I tossed all the trash that had accumulated from our recent road trip and some of the toys (shhh don't tell the men) others were hand washed while the little ones were put in the dishwasher.

As I was taking pictures, Gryphyn reminded me that I still hadn't got his baby box out of the garage to show him - he has been asking for about a week now. So I went and got it and we looked at all his and Vahn's keepsakes together.

Their coming home from the hospital outfits:

Gryphyns puppy shoes and Scottish Man booties - that he put on Woof:

Vahn holding his hospital bracelet:

and we can't forget their fascination with "suckys" that they never want to give back:

Somewhere I have a picture of my sister and I around the same age doing the same thing :)
Here it is - I had to go find it :)

Soon after this, Vahn wanted pancakes. So after picking up :)
We headed into the kitchen to make chocolate chip pancakes:

Too bad Saturdays can't last forever - I'm going to enjoy mine while I can!

The 12th Day of Christmas

2010-12-12T02:21:00.005-05:00

12 Drummers Drumming

I'm a bit sad that tonight is the last night. I have had so much fun doing this!

Tonights gift was a challenge to find - I have been looking for several days for a "drum" and kept coming up empty handed. I was running some errands today and stopped at the book store (looking for something else) and asked by chance if they had any "drums". I ended up finding 3 perfect gifts while I was there. A chapter book about a drum playing fairy, the little drummer boy movie and a sturdy book that plays music with the little drummer boy story. Then I found the three little drum decorations at Michael's (all 3 for less than a dollar).
Also included tonight was a card explaining why we chose them and revealing who we were.

Card:

Poem:

(Adapted from the above link)

Night 12 has arrived, and on this our last night,  
One dozen drummers would be a grand sight.  
But the noise of their drums would hurt your head,  
So enjoy these books and movie we bring you instead.

The 11th Day of Christmas

2010-12-12T02:12:00.004-05:00

11 Pipers Piping

Todays gift was pipe cleaner craft fun
A Fuzzoodle Kit (fuzzy pipe cleaners & pieces you can attach
to build faces and stuff with)
& Extra pipe cleaners

Card:

Poem:

(Adapted from the above link)

The Eleventh Day brings the pipers and their pipes
Such talent they have with so many colors and types 
Here are some twisty fun pipes just for you. 
So you can join in and have lots of fun, too.

We simply can't believe this game is almost through.  
We've had a jolly time bringing these gifts to you.  
With only one more night, don't you wish you knew,
 Just exactly who we are and why we're doing this for you?

The 10th Day of Christmas

2010-12-10T14:09:00.003-05:00

10 Lords a Leaping

Todays gift was popcorn

The 10 lords where bringing it when they got caught in a snowdrift so we found some more with a sweet topping to share

Card:

Poem:

(Adapted from the above link)

Ten lords a leaping would be an awesome gift,
 But they got stuck while jumping in a snowdrift.
As we watched, we saw their yummy popcorn fly
 So we found some with a sweet topping for you to try.

The 9th Day of Christmas

2010-12-09T13:48:00.005-05:00

Nine Ladies Dancing

Todays gift was 2 Christmas music CD's (for the Ladies to dance to)

Card:

Poem:

Nine ladies dancing would be too big a crowd,  
Besides their music is way too loud.
 We have for you Christmas songs,
 That you can listen to all season long.

The 8th Day of Christmas

2010-12-08T13:35:00.005-05:00

Eight Maids a Milking

The 8 Maids a milking were new at there job.
Try as they may they just couldn't get the milk to come out right.
Instead of plain milk, they got chocolate milk and milk duds.

Card:

Poem:

With a few changes -

On the eighth day of Christmas, we're busy as a bee.  
While the Eight maids-a-milking, no where do we see.  
But thankfully there in the barn we spy a tasty sweet,  
Chocolate Milk and Milk Maid caramels, what a treat.

The 7th Day of Christmas

2010-12-08T13:15:00.005-05:00

Seven Swans a swimming

Tonights concept was that the Seven swans were swimming and playing in bubbles before they flew south. Therefore, the gift was bubble bath.

Card:

Poem:

I changed the last two lines of the poem I found at the above link and came up with this:

The 7th day of Christmas and we are half way done,
Remember no peeking or you’ll spoil the fun.
On this day of Christmas, how nice it would be,
If seven swans a swimming your family could see.
When we arrived at the pond only bubbles were there
but the swans left a note saying they were eager to share

The 6th Day of Christmas

2010-12-06T00:02:00.003-05:00

Six Geese a Laying

Tonight I made Chocolate Eggs that the geese left when they flew south.
I found the idea here

You melt white chocolate or Almond bark then add a yellow center to look like an egg. The above site said to drop an M&M in the center but I didn't get that it was only 1 until just now. I wasn't sure how you got the M&M's to all melt together smoothly. Also, thinking I used more than one on each "egg", I wasn't sure how many bags of M&M's I would have to buy to get enough yellow ones, so I just used yellow sprinkles instead. They turned out really cute. I forgot to take a picture of them before I packaged them up but you can sort of see in the above picture.

Card:

Poem:

Six geese a-laying -- an interesting sight.
 One of them squawked and they all took flight.  
What they left in their nest,  you'll just have to look,  
But with these you won't want to cook.

The 5th Day of Christmas

2010-12-05T23:42:00.003-05:00

5 Golden Rings

Todays gift was a tin of butter cookies and some bracelets for the girls and a bracelet pen for the boy in the family.

Card:

Poem:

I decided to go with my own creation tonight because all the previous days had started out with "On the ____ day of Christmas" and Zac's poem tonight didn't. I was kind of torn though because I liked his poem but I didn't want to bother him to add to it since he was busy editing pictures.
So in the end I wrote my own.

Here are the two versions:

Zacs:

Five golden rings would be nice,
the way they shimmer in the light
But sparkly bracelets shimmer too,
and cookies just feel so right

Mine:

On the fifth day of Christmas we sing “Five golden rings”
So a box of golden cookies is part of the gift we bring
Also for the kids, we must insist
they wear these “rings” around their wrists

The 4th Day of Christmas

2010-12-04T15:15:00.005-05:00

Four Calling Birds

Before the cell phone age, the gifts for this day were traditionally calling cards or cash for the pay phone but since that doesn't work now days, what to do for the 4 calling birds?

I liked the pen and paper idea I found in this poem .

The calling birds have all flown away.
They're visiting the South to see the view.
Instead of a call, they left these few things,
Some pencils and paper – their gift to you.

However, I didn't like that the lines of the poem didn't rhyme like the previous days did so I inlisted Zac's help again and he came up with this:

On the fourth day of Christmas, four things you will not miss
A bunch of calling birds and the mess that certainly comes with
Instead a pretty box full off paper and pens for all to share
A slightly boring gift I hope still manages to say, “I care”

I was slightly offended by his "boring" comment but in the end decided to leave it because it was something Zac would say and I want these gifts to be from all of us. This was part of his contribution. He also is the one who delivers the packages each night while everyone else is fast asleep in our beds. Zac just isn't wired to go to bed early so I know it is safe for him to make the delivery trip before he goes to bed.

Last night before I put the gift together, I was making chocolate chip cookies and didn't have any baking soda so I had to make a quick trip to the store. While there, I found this little box that had 4 birds on it "perfect"!
Ok technically it has 5 birds if you count the one on the ground.
But either way, I knew it had to make its way into this gift!

I filled the little box with several different pencil and paper gifts. The green and black pad in the back has a hole in it that you keep the pen in - I almost bought one of these for myself as well. Then for the kids I found a little box of paper, stickers and colored pencils and Cars pads that came with pencils as well. Also I added a little pad of paper that had a magnetic closure and was printed with ornaments and the word Noel on the front.

Don't forget the card:

The 3rd Day of Christmas

2010-12-03T13:29:00.004-05:00

Three French Hens

Most of the idea I found for today were for chicken noodle soup, or cornish hens. But then I saw something about a coffee mug with french vanilla coffee mix. I loved this idea and wanted to find some sort of chicken/hen container or dish and a vanilla drink mix to combine some how.

I came across the above pictured tin at Hobby Lobby and knew it was perfect! But, what to put in it?
So I searched the drink isle at the store and found French Vanilla Hot Coca Mix. I then picked up a few packs of regular milk chocolate hot coca mix as well and added a bag of marshmallows to top it all off with. Then packaged it all up with some red tissue paper and the printed card.

Card:

Todays poem was challenging to write. I'm not know for being gifted in cleverness when it comes to writing. So after many attempts, I took my ideas to Zac who quickly came up with the perfect ending.

Poem:

Night 3 arrives, but we are not it France,
And three French hens don’t come by chance.
In fact in this gift, true hens there are not,
But what there is that is French is enjoyed while its hot.

The 2nd Day of Christmas

2010-12-02T12:13:00.005-05:00

Todays secret gift was - Two Turtle Doves

I bought a little glittery green basket and filled it with Turtle Chocolates, Dove Chocolate Bars and some curly ribbon. Then printed a little card

Front of Card

Poem:
Tonight you have turtles & doves coming your way,
So relax, enjoy, and eat all the chocolate you may.
Because in your family you have quite a few,
We've left on your doorstep more than just two.

This glad Christmas season is so full of fun.
We're happy to share with your family, then run.
How grateful we are that you're playing our game.
You'll now find that Christmas won't be the same.

The 12 Days of Christmas - Day 1

2010-12-01T09:28:00.007-05:00

Once again its been forever since I blogged. Most days I barely have time to check my email so the time dedicated to blogging gets pushed aside. But with today being the 1st of December, I'm more than ready to start my holiday giving and I wanted to share a project I'm doing.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas - everything about it makes me smile - well except maybe the credit card bills :)

My tree has been up for weeks now and I've been listening to Christmas music for well over a month. Several weeks ago I was listening to the all Christmas music radio station in my car while driving to the oncologists office to have my port flushed. On the way there, I heard the song the 12 Days of Christmas for the first time this year. It immediately reminded me of how a friend of mine had given gifts to someone important in her life for 12 days in a row. My entire appointment I couldn't stop thinking about it. So on the drive home I called my friend to find out the details. Then when I got home I looked it up on line. I could hardly stand the excitement. I wanted to start that day but Thanksgiving wasn't even here yet so I had to wait.

Traditionally the 12 days of Christmas begin on Christmas day and go through the 6th of January but there have already been plenty of presents given by then so most people do it as an advent starting on the 13th and going through Christmas Eve. I however couldn't wait that long and thought it would be fun to do it the FIRST 12 days of the month :)

So with today being December 1st, here is what was secretly left last night:

I got a little basket and filled it with little bits of garland (tree) then arranged on top 5 different types of fresh pears, Pear hand soap, Apple - Pear lotion and a little bird ornament. Then I made a little card with a photo I found here and printed the poem I found here

Front of card:

Poem:

Twas the first day of Christmas and all through your house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
'Cept suddenly some little souls did appear,
It is your Christmas friends, bringing you holiday cheer.

Tonight calls for a partridge in your pear tree,
But partridges are tough to catch, as we came to see.
So how bout fresh pears, and an ornamental bird,
These pears are quite tasty, or so we have heard.

Tonight's the first night, and this is where it all starts.
Know that each of these gifts comes straight from our hearts.
Now each night going forward, we'll bring gifts to your door,
The twelve days of Christmas, not one less or one more.

Beware of this warning- your friends will be here,
But you better not look , or we will all disappear.
Then all of your gifts that we've carefully planned,
On some other front porch they will surprisingly land.

Check back tomorrow to see Day 2 "Two Turtle Doves"

Blessings

2010-09-14T00:10:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was so excited to have the opportunity to experience a little bit of Zac's photography world. We dropped the Men off with my sister and headed to a friends house to photograph her almost 1 month old twins. It was the most fun I have had in a long time. I honestly don't even remember the last time Zac and I went somewhere together (with out the men). The shoot itself was a learning experience for us all and was fun and challenging at the same time. I got to help a lot and spent most of the time holding one or the other of the twins TRYING to get them to go to sleep and stay asleep for their photo session :)

I must admit that while holding them a itty bitty part of me longed for those days when my Men were little (well never quite as little as these two were) But this morning as I attempted to wake Gryphyn and Vahn up, I was overwhelmed with my love for them and the memories of their whole little lives. It has only been 5 years since I became a mommy. But SO much has happened, there are so many stories and moments and stories of how I have had a part in shaping who they are. I am amazed that God saw it fit to give me my two wonderful Men. Over the years, some things have changed drastically while other things haven't changed at all.

First to wake up is Gryphyn. He is NOT a morning person - never has been. So the process is a bit involved to get him to wake up in the mornings for school. As usual, he had migrated to our bed sometime during the night. Despite our efforts to get him to stay in his bed, he has always slept better snuggled up with Mom and Dad. As an infant, I would rock him to sleep then try and lay him in his crib without waking him up - usually unsuccessfully - so a lot of nights were spent cradled in mommies arms to sleep. He also, doesn't like clothes so he usually strips down to little pj shorts during the night which usually causes him to wake up cold during the night. Which conveniently provides him the perfect excuse to climb into Mom and Dads warm bed. Gryphyn has ALWAYS loved to be naked. However despite his efforts as an infant, he wasn't able to communicate this "need" to be naked to us. Looking back though I can see it. When I would wrap him up like "burrito" baby he would fuss and wiggle and squirm until he had his arms free then he would calm down and eventually fall asleep. He LOVED being naked and free - Bath times were always a great source of joy for him.
This morning as I sat on the edge of my bed holding him, rubbing his bare tummy and telling him it was time to wake up, he scrunched up his face and stretched his arms over his head softly moaning in protest. So much like when he was a baby - only now he doesn't fit in my lap anymore. As he finally opened his eyes, the first word were "I'm hungry" ~ Still the only reason in his mind to wake up.

After I made Gryphyn breakfast, I went to Vahn's room to wake him up. He is my morning person and usually wakes up fairly happily and in a good mood. This morning, I sat on the floor next to his bed and pulled him in my lap. As I held him in my lap rocking and kissing him, I was overwhelmed by how innocent he looked. His soft long eyelashes and little perfect nose filled my heart with amazing motherly love and brought tears to my eyes. My little Man is growing up so fast. He is getting so big that I am starting to confuse him with Gryphyn from behind. He is so NOT a baby anymore. He has a huge vocabulary, and incredible yearning to learn about everything. He has a huge quest for knowledge and copies everything that he hears. I am amazed to hear the grown up things that he says. For a 3 year old the depth of his conversations blow me away. For example, instead of saying a simple NO, he will say something like "Actually I don't want to do that".
I'm pretty sure he can use the computer and Daddies iPad better than I can. He is such a happy little boy. He has always been the "easy" one. Although now, he is becoming quite stubborn and tests the limits on everything. He keeps me on my toes. He misses Gryphyn so much while he is at school and can't wait until he is old enough to go to school also. Till then we read and play a lot - he soaks up every moment of it. As do I.

Although, sometimes it seems like an eternity, I am reminded that my time with my Men is short.

Today, I am so thankful for my Men. Thankful that I have been given the honor of molding these two precious little lives. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time - everyday has new challenges - its a learning process for both them and I. But each day my love for them grows and I pray that I will be a good mommy and make the right choices that will mold them into great Men one day.

Gryphyn and Vahn, I love you beyond words. I am so blessed to have you!

Mommy

MANism Monday & Project 365 (Days 87- 93)

2010-04-05T23:40:00.002-04:00

MANism = The funny crazy things my MEN say and do!

I was going thru my pictures in my folder for what I wanted to include in this weeks post and I came across 2 that I meant to include in last weeks post
- So I'm including them now :)

March 21st

Gryphyn took this picture of the leaf
- I love the placement of it on his shadow :) HEEE HEEE!

March 27th

Like Father - Like Son!
We were waiting for our dinner to come and Zac was editing pictures
on his phone and Gryphyn was playing games on mine!

March 30th - Day 87

Mom and Dad are getting a new driveway as soon as we have some DRY weather! The city came out and spray painted the yard and sidewalk marking all where all the gas, water, cable lines etc... were - now we have little flags all over the yard :)

MANism#03302010
Vahn got in trouble and I gave him a spanken.
Gryphyn said "Its good for you to spank him"
M~ "Why?"
G ~ "Cuz I like it when you spank him"
M~ "Why do you like him to get spankens?"
G~ "Because its mean"
M~ "You like me to be mean to him?"
"G~ "Yeah"
M~ "Thats not very nice. I'm not being "mean" I'm disciplining him."

March 31st - Day 88

A few of my favorite things .... "SNOWFLAKES that stick to my nose and EYELASHES"

Day 88-B
A Micro Geocache find!

April 1st - Day 89
No Photo

April 2nd - Day 90

Easter Eggs!

MANism#04022010
We were dying easter eggs and Vahn got blue on his hands.
I told him... "Oh no, you are turning blue!"
He looked at his hands and said "Me want to be white" then pointed to a clean spot on his hand and said "this color"

90b - Who wants to dye Easter eggs ........

90c - when you can EAT them :)

April 3rd - Day 91

I was eating dinner at Noodles (my new favorite restaurant) and realized I hadn't taken a photo yet - so this is my Passion Fruit Tea - because who can't use some extra Passion in their life ?

April 4th - Day 92

The Men reading books at the grocery store.

MANism#04042010
We were at church and Mimi was holding Gryphyn - He told her "I like your necklace"
M~ "Thanks! What is it?"
G~ "Its that thing God died on"

MANism#04042010-2
After looking for Easter eggs, Nana asked Gryphyn what the Easter Bunnies name was?
G~ "Santa Clause"

MANism#04042010-3
Vahn started screaming like he was hurt when I went to see what was wrong / what happened, he said "Gryphyn touched me" (with his cold hands)

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 80 - 86)

2010-03-29T20:50:00.002-04:00

I took a ton of photos this week but I still missed a few days. I'm loving my new camera and being able to carry it everywhere with me -but I'm still not use to having it. Like today, I took a photo with my phone and was thinking I wish I had my real camera with me - Oh yeah I do! DUH!

March 22nd - Day 80

The men were starting to look a bit scraggly so it was time for a hair cut - I refuse to pay the high prices when they never do a good job so I cut it myself. Here are the before and after photos.

MANism#03222010
Gryphyn threw a toy over the stairs and when he got in trouble for it (since it almost hit Nana), we went to apologize to her and said: "I'm sorry Nana for trying to throw my toys at your head"

MANism#03222010-2
We were out running around and stopped at the house for a few things. Nana was there and asked MiMi about Vahn "Has this one had N-O-N-A-P? To which Vahn quickly replied "Yep!"

MANism #03222010-3
MiMi told Gryphyn that if he didn't "________" then she was going to "drop the hammer" Later that day, we heard G tell Vahn that if he didn't do ______ that "MiMi is going to drop the hammer"

March 23rd - Day 81
No photos :(

MANism03232010
Vahn once again got up much earlier than I wanted to - after a few minutes in my bed of him squirming around and insisting that he was thirsty while I tried to ignore him and sleep. I gave up and as I was prying myself from the bed I told him "your a bedhog" to which he replied "No, me a kid"

MANism0323010-2
Vahn was looking at the front of his pj shirt (that has an elephant on it) and asked "Why animals have one eye?" Once I figured out what he was talking about, I told him "the other one is on the other side - you just can't see it in your picture"

MANism#03232010-3
We were driving and Vahn pointed out the window and asked "what those birds doing?"
M~ "I don't know, I didn't see them. What do you think they were doing?"
V~ "They looking for food. They hungry like me!"

MANism#03232010-4
Vahn got upset that his pee wasn't yellow. I tried explaining to him that its not "suppose to" be yellow. To which he replied "Me like it yellow" - then went on telling me how he was going to drink some water so it would be red and green! YIKES!

MANism#03232010-5
V~ "Mes play with Gryphyns neighbors?"
M~ "They are YOUR neighbors too."

March 24th - Day 82

MANism#03242010
I was driving Gryphyn to school when he pointed out the window towards a factory and and asked what it was. I told him it was some sort of factory and that we should go check it out to see what it was
G~ "Yeah, cuz its cool! Its making all the clouds!"

"Cloud" Factory

March 25th - Day 83
No photos :(

March 26th - Day 84

Vahn tends to roll out of his bed at night - good thing its on the floor - this is how I found him when I went to check on the men before I went to bed!

MANism#03262010
I got Gryphyn a watch out of a Geocache yesterday. This morning Vahn put it on and was asked what time it was - I looked at it and told him it was 7:31. Then he looked at it and said "it says 39 - 1- 12" Since then, he has been staring at it and every time it changes he asks "what it say now mama?"

MANism#03262010-2
The Lil Men and I went for a walk along the Jordan River Parkway. The Men were riding their bikes and Gryphyn went really far ahead of us. Vahn was getting tired so when I couldn't see G anymore, I made Vahn sit on a bench on the side of the trail and ran after Gryphyn. When I finally caught up to him, he had taken the seat off of his bike and was sitting on it on the ground next to his bike. I asked him what he was doing and he said "ohh just taking a little break!"

March 27th - Day 85

We spent the day at Antelope island - while there, Gryphyn found this Cache totally on accident. We kept telling him not to open or touch thing. He found this in one of the side bins of an old wagon.

Here is the photo that I took:

And the one Zac took - sigh he just sees things better than I do!

MANism#02272010
While climbing on some rocks at Antelope Island, I thought Zac had the men and he thought I did! We couldn't find Gryphyn anywhere! Of course we freaked out when he didn't answer our calls. I headed back toward the car with Vahn while Zac searched the rocks. About 1/2 way to the car I spot Gryphyn with an arm full of rocks.
M ~ "why did you run away"
G~ "I was on a mission"
M~ "You have to stay with Mommy and Daddy at all times - stay where we can see you so we know you are okay!"
G~"But it was a "kid" mission!"

85b - Zac off doing what he loves - capturing great photos!

March 28th - Day 86
No photos :(

March 29th - Day 87

Vahn sitting in his toy box -singing about "sitting in the toy box"

SPEECH

2010-03-26T00:22:00.003-04:00

I had to give an informative speech today in my communications class.
If you know me, you know I'm NOT a fan of writing OR public speaking
- but I thought this speech turned out well!

Well at least the written version of it, the getting up in front of the class and trying to run a slideshow on a PC while talking- Not so much!

Since this is MY blog and I can post what ever I want :) I though I would share it here - cuz I think its funny :)

Have you ever been to a friends house for the first time and asked where the bathroom was? Have they ever said jokingly back to you, after pointing it out, to just leave a quarter on the counter or back of the toilet? We laugh at this and don’t really think anything of it. Well, I didn’t either until the first time I left the country with the Military.

I was in the Air Force for 7 years. In Sept of 2003, I got orders to Korea and lived in Kunsan South Korea for 1 year.

I wouldn’t say that it was complete culture shock because I lived on a military base that was very “American” However, there were many times that I went off base, exploring or on sight seeing trips with friends.
These were the times that were strange.
You don’t realize the things that we take for granted in the US.
Probably the most appalling thing that I saw - or I should say smelled was the open sewer lines. The smell was horrible!
I think the Koreas must be use to it - but I never did.

Then there are the bathrooms themselves. I just assumed everyone in the world had the same type of facilities. Boy was I wrong!

There is nothing like opening the door to find this

No, its not broken or missing!

This is called a squat toilet. In Korea, the “toilets” originally, were just a hole in the ground. - these evolved into a porcelain hole in the ground that you are suppose to squat over.

They are supposedly pretty easy to use. I didn’t want to take the chance of not being coordinated enough to use one of these so I never did try.

Squatting is quite common in Korea. I remember doing it as a kid and my kids do it. When exactly do Americans out grow that???? Well, Korean don’t.
I remember seeing old women squatting in the market place selling fish and other things and wondering how they could sit that way???

Apparently, squatting is the best way to empty your bowels. When you sit, you pinch your colon. This diagram is taken from the toilet related ailments website they say that you can not completely empty your bowels in the sitting position because this muscle pinches. And that by squatting, your leg muscles press against your intestines helping things to naturally move along. Check it out if you want more information on all that. You can even get plans on how to retrofit your home toilet with a platform that allows you to squat - I’ll be passing on that one!

If I were to ask you how many of the pictures I already showed you in these slides had trash cans in them, I bet you wouldn’t be able to tell me!
If you were in a Korean bathroom however, you would not be able to miss it. The smell would give it away!

That trash can in the corner - THAT is where your used paper goes - this one actually has a lid - most do NOT!
YEP, sorry, you may NOT flush your used toilet paper.
The sewers can’t handle it.

Thankfully, there are many Western style toilets available
When in doubt, look for the McDonalds!

I never was stuck in a position where I had to use a squat style one - although now, I’m kind of wishing I would have tried - just to say that I did.

So, you finally found a “regular” toilet to use. Where you can sit and flush your toilet paper (still not recommended - but quite common in these toilets) but wait - where is the toilet paper???

You mean after all that you forgot to BUY your toilet paper?
Thats right, TP is NOT free. Pack some in your bag or look for a tp vending machine outside the stalls.

This photo is of a tp vending machine in Japan - I couldn’t find a Korean photo - but its quite similar to the Korean ones.

OK, now that you never want find yourself in Korea when you need to use the bathroom, Lets move to Germany.

I arrived in Germany in Sept of 2004. Where I was stationed at Spangdahlem AB for 3 years. During this time I lived off base in a town named Biersdorf AM SEA - which means “beer town on the sea (or lake) - Right about here on the map.

After Korea, I thought I was prepared for anything.
No one else would do strange toilet things - would they?

Oh -Yes they would!

In Germany, Whether you are a "Damen" - Female or "Herren" - Male
Look for these signs:

W.C. is the most common - it stands for Water Closet
Here are a few other examples you might see:

Upon locating the WC In Germany, you will be pleased to find that,
it is now okay to flush your tp and sit.
Which is great for us girls. However if you are a guy,
You probably won’t be so happy to find stickers like this:

Thats right - please don’t stand up to pee!

Why? Because the Germans have a crazy toilet design that makes it pretty impossible to pee standing up with out splashing everywhere!

While the typical american toilet is shaped like this:
The German one is like this:

With a shelf! WHY WHY would they do that?

Apparently, Germans are in the habit to checking out their waste to make sure they don’t have parasites. I’m perfectly fine NOT doing this!
If I don’t feel well I’ll see a Dr. thanks!

So yeah, its a bit odd but not too bad - when you flush, the water washes from the back and pushes the waste down the small hole in the front.

Just make sure you use the brush after you flush, sorry to say, you probably will need to unless there is great water pressure - which is unusual. - and YES you can flush your TP. All for free!

Well almost! Don’t be surprised if you are out at a restaurant or at a fest and see a little table with money on it in the bathroom.

Thats right, you are expected to PAY to use the bathrooms.

At least you know its clean - since there is usually someone there cleaning it - which yes you will have to wait on sometimes. Which can make the line take even longer!

So as you can see, bathrooms around the world can be a bit awkward. Whether you sit or stand, don’t forget to keep some change in your pocket, you never know when you might be required to buy your tp or even to be allowed access!
But if you have an open mind and do a little research ahead of time, everything will come out all right.

MANism Monday & Project 365 (Days 74-79)

2010-03-22T10:58:00.003-04:00

WOW, I can't believe its been another week already!

This past week has been pretty hard for me.
It was my Spring Break from college and I was preparing to have my surgery TODAY. So it should have been a great week - but it wasn't :(

If you didn't already know, in Dec of 08, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer
I had a mastectomy around that time and since then have been doing chemo, radiation and some study drugs (called HER2). Fast forward about a year and a half later, till now. I am finally done with all of that and ready to have reconstruction! (check out my archives for more info on all that)
Since that time, I have only had one breast and wear a prosthetic - which is great - don't get me wrong - I don't know how emotionally I would have made it this far if I did not have the prosthetic to make me look whole - you really can't tell looking at me which boob is fake! But still, I KNOW its fake and its quite emotional for me at times.
Over the past few months, I have been seeing Drs. like crazy. ~ General surgeons, plastic surgeons, residents, tests and procedures all leading up to the big day of getting put all back together.

So the problem is that every time I go to the dr, I see a new dr and they want to do something completely different. I'm not against any of the options but it makes me nervous that they can't seem to agree on what to do.

The main discrepancies are on whether to do both sides or one at a time and on what type of incision to make (and who decides that)

Because I am so young and because the mass they removed was so large originally, I really want to have the other breast removed as well. Also, it will help in the reconstruction process to make them "match" if they are both fake!
I feel I'm entitled to a little bit of selfishness in all of this - why not get a boob job out of it :) The original drs (in NC) didn't feel that was necessary for some reason I never understood. But now that I am here,(in UT) it has never been a question. They call it a Prophylactic Mastectomy

Prophylactic: A preventive measure. The word comes from the Greek for "an advance guard," an apt term for a measure taken to fend off a disease or another unwanted consequence.

The plan is to remove the "good" breast and place a tissue expander under the pectoral muscle - on the other side, we will also place a tissue expander. then over the next 3 months or so, they will slowly inject saline to "expand" and stretch the skin. Once the new breast tissue is the size we want it to be -( I'm going up a cup size). Then I will have another surgery where the expanders will be removed and implants put it. During this surgery, we will also have to get additional skin from somewhere else - we are still deciding if we want to use my stomach tissue or take it from my back. Followed by additional surgeries for nipple construction. Its not by any means and easy process and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm dreading it as well.

Back to the discrepancies, I've been told that they are going to do both sides at once and that they want to do one side then have me come back in 3 weeks to do the other side. Reasoning being that, doing both sides, I would be under anesthesia too long and have a greater risk of complications and infection to do both at once. As for the incision, when I asked the Plastic Surgeon what type of incision they were going to make, she said that was up to the General Surgeon and when I asked him, he said it was up to her and then said that the plastic surgeon would mark where she wanted the incision before surgery and he would basically just cut there.

This left me feeling very uneasy about the whole process. Plus the fact that I'm looking at having 4 surgeries soon and would most likely have 4 different surgeons. So, we decided to postpone for now and are trying to get the head of the surgery department to be my surgeon that what there would be continuity and I would have someone experienced and have the same surgeon for all 4 surgeries.

WOOOOO - So, that has been the big mess this week - lots of dr consults and trying to figure out what to do. I'm really bummed that I have to wait even longer now but feel confident that we made the right decision!

All THAT to say, I didn't put too much effort or energy into this weeks "assignment" for this blog post so once again, the MANisms and photos are limited.

On a Positive note, I DID get a new camera - a small one that I can carry in my purse and always have with me to take photos - so I don't have an excuse :)

Alright On with it - here is Day 1 (or 74 in this case)

March 16th (Day 74)

March 17th (Day 75)
Gryphyn why aren't you listening to me today?
Cuz I just want to do what I want to do!
~ At least he is honest!

March 18th (Day 76)

The Men LOVE to play with this train table at the gym. I usually let them stop and play for a few minutes when I'm done working out.

MANism#03182010
G~"Mom, I don't like your kind of chapstick cuz its like aliens!"
M~"Like Aliens?"
G~"Yeah, it smells like aliens"
M~"Aliens smell bad? How do you know what they smell like"
G~"I don't know, I just do"

March 19th (Day 77)

We stopped at the post office today and Vahn asked for a sticker. They didn't have any but she said she could give them a stamp. So they both got their hands stamped with a "Spoiled" stamp ~ I love it. I also love Vahns expression in this photo that I was taking of Gryphyn.

MANISM#03192010-2
I pointed out a street sweeper to Gryphyn today and he went off telling us about it and how it was so great - I wish I could remember exactly what he said - it was so funny!

March 20th (Day 78)

We went to a friends b-day party and the Men won these glasses on one of the games.
Too cute I love when they are actually willing to "like" each other long enough for me to get a picture of them!

March 21st (Day 79)

I took Mandy Geocaching for the first time today. We didn't have much luck on most of our searches but on our last one, we found THIS! Mandy's first find!
Check out: http://www.geocaching.com/ for more info on Geocaching!

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 67-73)

2010-03-16T01:10:00.002-04:00

I did really bad this week on taking photos and writing down the MANisms - I'm not sure why????

So here is what I did get:

March 9th - Day 67
Gryphyn - He looks like he is mad but really he is concentrating on a computer game. I love his expression because it is so "Gryphyn"

March 10th - Day 68
Today was my 34th Birthday!
I spent the first 3 hours of it at the plastic surgeons office finding out about my surgery that will be next week
I'm have a mastectomy on the "good" side and then having expanders placed on both sides - look for more details on all that soon to come.

MARCH 11th - Day 69
No picture today :(
I suppose that is pretty good that I have made it this far into the year without missing a day!

MANism#03112010
Gryphyn: "hey Mom, maybe tonight we can have a party, cuz we really like to party"
M~"what would the party be for?"
G~"for tonight"

March 12th - Day 70
I know, I know - I'm a mean mom!
I make my kid stand in the corner then take pictures of him and post them on the web! :)

March 13th - Day 71
We took the Men to see the Disney on Ice Show (for MY birthday) - I had good intentions of taking lots of photos but I forgot to put a card in my camera and ended up caring around the big heavy one all day in the snow for no reason - I really wasn't very happy about that!

Runner-up 71b
It started snowing while we were at the show and Zac and I stopped to get Starbucks to warm up - however, there was a Ben and Jerrys right next door so the Men "had" to have some ice cream!

March 14th - Day 72
Poor Vahn is so accident prone - We have one of those cutting boards that pull out from the cabinets and he was running around and ran right into it! OUCH! - I love his expression in this photo when I asked him to let me take his picture - he brushes it off and keeps right on going!

March 15th - Day 73
Zac's Protein Powder (its the only picture I took today)
I took a picture so that I could price it at other stores to see if I could find it cheaper.

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 60-66)

2010-03-09T01:54:00.003-05:00

March 2nd - Day 60
Gryphyn loves to crawl into bed with Daddy and cuddle up in the mornings.

MANism#03022010
Gryphyn: "Mom I invited all of my friends at school to my birthday- except for one friend who always has boogies in his nose - he's not my friend"

MANism#03022010-2
Gryphyn's class at school tried to "grow" seeds but very few of them turned out. When Papa picked him up today he told him that they could go buy some seeds and grow some flowers in the backyard. He has been asking about it all day and just overheard him asked Zac where to get seeds - Zac told him "maybe at a nursery"
G ~ " Do they have them at the nursery at church?"

March 3rd - Day 61
I was trying to take a picture of Gryphyn eating chicken nuggets - because they are a staple at our house - but G wasn't too pleased with me taking his picture. In this photo, he is pointing to the ceiling and told me "You go to time out on the ceiling for taking my picture"

March 4th - Day 62
Breakfast - "bunny cereal" (Twix) for Vahn and Cheerios for mommy!

March 5th - Day 63
Diaper Bears that I made for a friends baby shower who is having twins.

Runner up 63b
Vahn looking through his "telescope" - I love how he holds one eyes shut with is finger to do it.

MANism#03052010
We were down stairs and Gryphyn said:
"Its evil cold down here mom"
M ~ "Is that like wicked cold"
G ~ "Yeah, wicked cold"
M ~ "What's that mean?"
G ""Oh, it means something that is very cold"

March 6th - Day 64
"Batman" playing the drum.

MANism#03062010
I ordered a sample pack of the new "sponge bob" maple and brown sugar cream of wheat for Gryphyn. He was super excited to open it and make it. I made him wait until breakfast this morning - so he takes his first bite and looks at me with a strange look on his face.
M ~ "what's wrong?"
G ~ "it feels funny"
M ~ "You don't have to like it"
G ~ Quite relieved "I don't like it - it feels funny and its warm and sweet and I don't like things that are warm and sweet and feel funny"

MANism#03062010-2
Gryphyn told Nana:
"Nana when I get bigger I'm going to take you somewhere and help you cross the street!"

March 7th - Day 65
Zac's first time in the Mac Store!

Runner-up 65b
Vahn eating his ice cream cone while we wait for our appt at the Mac genius bar!

MANism#03072010
Nana told me:
G was watching V play a computer game. As the music started playing G said "Do that one! Do that one!"
V replied "I'm thinking of it."

MANism#03072010-2
G~ " Daddy, can you build me a big scary house?"
Z ~ " A big SCARY house?"
G~ " Yeah, to scare away my hiccups!"

MANism#03072010-3
A few minutes later, Vahn got hiccups and told me:
V~ "Daddy make me scary house to scare away my pickups"

March 8th - Day 66
I laughed when I saw Zac's empty beer bottle on the bathroom sink with the Mens' toothbrushes!

MANism#03082010
I was looking in the hall closet for more hand soap and only saw one that I didn't like. When I started closing the door again Gryphyn said:
G~ "What about that one? It's soap"
M~ Yeah, I don't like it though, its too strong"
G~ as he is flexing his muscles "I like it, cuz its strong like me"

MANism#03082010-2
G got a spoon to eat his yogurt with and while playing with it said:
"I can see myself and I look lovely"

MANism#03082010-3
Gryphyn had been burping loudly all day after his bath, he burped again, and upon my "mom" look he said:
"Excuse me, ......... Delicious!"

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 53-59)

2010-03-02T01:25:00.002-05:00

Feb 23rd - Day 53
The Men making play-doh

MANism#02232010
I was putting laundry away and Gryphyn came in and got a new pair of pants.
I asked him why he was getting new ones and he said:
"Cuz I peed for just 2 minutes in mine"

MANism#02232010-2
Vahn asked Nana for a fruit bar and she asked him "What did mommy say?"
To which he replied "I'm asking YOU!"

Feb 24th - Day 54
Gas light is on AGAIN - sigh!

MANism#02242010
We were driving home and passed the crossing guard at the school - He has a long white beard - Vahn pointed out the window and kept saying "Santa Santa!"

MANism#02242010-2
"Momma - have you rode on a flying rug before?"
Gryphyn

Feb 25th - Day 55
Returning Library books!

MANism#02252010
Vahn and I were playing the I love you - NO I love you game.
M ~"I love you"
V~ "NO, I love you"
M ~ "No "I" love YOU"
V ~ "I love your FIRST!"

Feb 26th - Day 56
Gryphyn wanted to help me mop the floor :)

Runner up - 56b
Those corners are hard to reach :)

Feb 27th - Day 57
I saw this bus in the parking lot at the gym and took the pix to show Zac
- cuz he would have done the same thing :)
Actually, he would have gotten out of the car to check it out - I only circled back around to get a quick shot!

MANism#02272010
I was putting Vahn to bed and while praying with him, he started naming random names to pray for. He told me my name was Johnny! So I asked him what my name was and ended up going thru the list of ever ones names. When we got to him, I asked him what HIS name was and he said "Vahn Valor" "Vahn Valor what?" "HAPPY - Vahn Valor Happy!"

Feb 28th - Day 58
Gryphyn kept his gummy worm from dinner the night before, and named him Sherman. He put him in a cage as his "pet"
The next morning, he took him out of his cage and gave him an orange for breakfast.

March 1st - Day 59
When Vahn is suppose to be sleeping and I go in to check on him, he squeezes his eyes shut like this so I think he is asleep!

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 46-52)

2010-02-23T02:30:00.002-05:00

Feb 16th - Day 46
Scissors - I gave Vahn a hair cut today -( G a few days ago.)

MANism#02172010
Vahn & I were leaving the grocery store and he pointed to the store name and said:
"That spells FUN!"

Feb 17th - Day 47
Just finished my math homework - I'm actually really enjoying my math class Shhh don't tell anyone! :)

MANism#02172010-2
Gryphyn was in his room watching tv while I did my homework and he came out saying "Mom come quick - I need you to call this number" So I go up to see what he is talking about and he had paused the tv at a commercial for some little remote control truck thing - I replayed the commercial and it says to call the number to order.

Feb 18th - Day 48
Mommy take a picture of my candy!

Feb 18b - Candy

MANism#02182010
On the way to school Gryphyn said:
"When I get real big, I can make real BIG BIG trees and smoosh them in the ground and bury they like dead people."

MANism#02182010-2
Vahn: "Clouds live in the sky"

Feb 19th - Day 49
The Men in their "grounded" shirts. Nana bought them a few months ago but wanted a picture of them together in them before them were messed up so they have been hanging in my room forever!

Feb 20th - Day 50
Gryphyns new Lego's - He loves to build Legos so I got him this set today when we were at Toys R Us looking for a birthday card for his cousin Skyler

MANism#02212010
We were at lunch with friends and I look over and G had his shirt up and he was talking to the girl next to him. I asked him what he was doing and he said:
"Showing her where God lives" He was pointing to his belly button!

MANism#02212010-2
Nana told Gryphyn not to sit on the table and he said:
"Its a good place to sit!"

Feb 21st - day 51
Mandy and I went shopping - YEA! I saw this shirt (I didn't buy it) but it made me laugh so I had to take a picture of it!

Feb 22nd - Day 52
Mom and I went to the Dollar show to see "Leap Year"

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 39-45)

2010-02-16T02:39:00.002-05:00

Shhh - I know this post is late! Just pretend that I'm in a different time zone! Technically, its only 1 hour late! YAWN - NOW I can go to bed!

MANism#02092010
Nana - sent me this one:
I heard V "let one" in his car seat.
I said - Vahn, did you make a "toot"?
He said - No I burped.
I said - What?
He says - My bum burped.
[this kid!! haha]

MANism#02092010-2
G ~ I don't like you calling me "G" anymore
M ~ What do you want me to call you?
G ~ Danger!

MANism#02092010-3
M~ Gryphyn do you want to finish my homework for me?
G ~ No
M ~ Why not?
G ~ Cuz its too boring!

Feb 9th - Day 39
One of the over 700 photos I have taken so for for a job I'm doing.

MANism#02102010
We were out shopping with Nana and she told Vahn,
"Lets unzip your jacket a little bit cuz your a little hot"
Vahn took it all the way off and said
"I'm a lot hot"

MANism#02102010-2
While driving in the car, Gryphyn randomly said:
"Nana when I get big I'm going to have LOTS of money and I'm going to buy you groceries"

MANism#02102010-3
Gryphyn was dancing around while I was making him dinner and he said:
"Mom I have lots of dance moves! I always have lots of cool dance moves"

Feb 10th - Day 40
Gryphyn found this giant bear in Walmart - we had to take a photo of him with it :)

Runner 40b
You can't take one of G and not one of V!

MANism#02112010
Gryphyn was going "potty" and he looks down and says - Look mom my poop looks like a triceratops!"

MANism#02112010-2
I was using the toilet brush to clean the toilet and G said:
"Can I do that when I get big?"
"You can do it NOW - go right ahead!"

MANism#02112010-3
I was putting Vahn to bed and he said:
"I need a drink of water"
"You can have a little sip so so stay dry all night"
"NO, I need a big one, It makes me happy!"

Feb 11th - Day 41
I got my 2nd math test back today with a score of 104 (with extra credit)
I wish this photo wasn't so blurry but my phone doesn't focus well so its the best I got :(
I think a new pocket size camera is in my future!

MANism#02122010
I was half awake when Vahn asked me for breakfast:
"Mommy me hungry, Me want the darbow"
"Dar - bow?"
"Yep"
"?????"
I finally figured out that he wanted the Star bowl!

MANism#02122010-2
Gryphyn - "Daddy we are going to the park today"
"The park?"
"No its too cloudy it might rain. We are going to go swimming at the gym"

Feb 12th - Day 42
Gryphyn and I made cookies today - YUM!

Feb 13th - Day 43
We went to a dog b-day party and we were the last to leave so we got to take home all the balloons!

MANism#02142010
Gryphyn was mad at Vahn and said:
"Vahn when I grow up I'm going to buy you real dinosaurs that will scare you away and you will go all the way up to space forever!"

Feb 14th - Day 44
Gryphyn laying on the floor at Mimi & Johns playing with his "collection" - AKA Johns toys from when he was little.

MANism#02152010
Gryphyn was whining and complaining about me cutting his hair - he kept saying that it hurt when I cut his hair. Then he looked in the mirror and said "its perfect like that" when I was in the middle of cutting it.

Feb 15th - Day 45
Gryphyn went shopping with me while Vahn was taking a nap so I let him use my "little" umbrella - He loved it and kept saying it was HIS!

MANism Monday & Project 365 (days 32-38)

2010-02-08T11:30:00.002-05:00

Feb 1st - Day 32
Playing with angles at the park while the men played.

Runner up - 32b
Gryphyn playing with his light saber (making light saber sounds)

Feb 2nd - Day 33
After putting Gryphyn back in his bed once, he came back in our room, I told him that he couldn't sleep in our bed and to go sleep on the couch if he didn't want to sleep in his own bed. This is how I found him in the morning.

Feb 3rd - Day 34
Happy Birthday to Zac

MANism#02042010
Zac took Gryphyn with him to pick up a Red Box movie and Vahn stayed home to help me make dinner. Zac told me later that Gryphyn was complaining that "he" wanted to make dinner too. Zac explained to him, that he got to go with Daddy and Vahn was helping Mommy. So Gryphyn says:
"Oh so we get to get a movie while Vahn and Mommy make dinner and Then we can ride a horse!"

Feb 4th - Day 35
A few minutes to midnight, I told Zac I forgot to take my photo today - I need to take a picture of something. He suggested the clock and I got this

Runner up - 35b
Zac took a turn and captured this photo in the exact moment that the clock changed to 12:00

Feb 5th - Day 36
I found this guy on the floor in the morning, left over from last nights play. It made me smile. A lego guy in a truck is VERY little Manish!

MANism#02052010
Gryphyn asked me to make him a new paper airplane. I told him " we already have LOTS of paper airplanes, go find one of those"
G~ "No, they are all mushy"
M~"Mushy?"
G~ "Yes mushy - they look like an old man"

Feb 6th - Day 37
It was cold and drizzly so we stopped at McDonald's so the Men could play and I could work on my homework. On the way in Gryphyn saw this rock and said "Hey Mom, take my picture on this rock!"

MANIism#02062010
Gryphyn~ "Mom I told them (the neighbors) that these horns (the ears on his batman mask) shoot out batabans. Do you know what Batabans are?"
"Nope what are they?"
"They are made out of trees and cars and bikes AND dogs"

MANIism#02062010-2
Vahn was eating teddy graham, when I stole one, he said
"Me not happy you help me eat my crackers!"

Runner up - Day 37
My poor broken phone :(
Vahn was drawing on the Sketches app on my iphone while we were driving to the gym. When we got out, he wanted to run after Gryphyn and I said "let me hold the phone while you run so you don't fall and break it" To which he replied "NO" and took of running. And what happens.... YEP he fell and broke my phone!

MANism#02072010
When Nana got up this morning Vahn said
"Nana you wake up? Me miss you all night!"

Feb 7th - Day 38
We stopped at the mall on the way to church to get screen protector for my phone. We rarely go to the mall so we were surprised that they didn't open until 12:00. So we let the Men run around for a bit and they found this shopping cart to play on.

MANism#02072010-2
Vahn started crying and said that Gryphyn spit on him.
M~ "Gryphyn, Did you "SPIT" on Vahn?"
G~ "Yes"
M~ "Why would you do that?"
G~"Because, I didn't want the spit in my mouth anymore!"

Feb 8th - Day 39
Morning sun hitting the flowers on the counter

MANism#02082010
I was updating my status on FaceBook and Vahn said:
"You missing two letters" the funny part is I reread it to see what was missing!

MANism Monday & Project 365 (Days 21-31)

2010-02-01T23:13:00.002-05:00

This past week, everyone has been sick - it was NOT a fun week.
I am so glad that everyone is feeling better now!
Most of the week was spent indoors in our pjs (as you will see in the photos)

MANism#01262010
I was combing the tangles out of Gryphyns hair and he said....
"Oww Oww - that's not very good Mom!"

MANism#01272010
Vahn was playing with Zac's phone and then we couldn't find it so Zac sent the men on a hunt for it saying "whoever finds it first gets a cookie" Well, I ended up being the first to find it which brought both Men to tears because they wanted to find it and get a cookie. So we gave everyone a cookie for their efforts. However G took one bite and said "mom can I save this for later" and V said "no thanks" HONESTLY! - You know your kids are sick when they turn down cookies!

MANism#01272010-2
G~ "Mom I want you to text Valerie"
M~ "You do? What do you want me to tell her?"
G~ "That I love you"
M~ "That you love ME or that you love HER?"
G~ "That I love her and I miss her"
Then I heard him go upstairs and tell Zac "Dad, I really miss Valerie" :(

MANism#01282010
G~ "Mom I went to the dream place last night"
M~ "You did?"
G~"uhh huu there were knights there"

MANism#01282010-2
I sat down on the couch and G's feet were in the way (so I sat on them) and G said...
"Move your butt mom!"
M~ Excuse me?
G~ "Can you please move mom"

MANism#01292010
Vahn brought me a Transformers book and wanted me to read it to him - Its really long and he loses interest in it so I told him NO. Which put us into this YES / NO argument.
V~ "please mommy i want you to read it"
M~ "too bad, I don't want to read it right now"
V~ "NOT too bad!"

MANism#01302010
Vahn would NOT be quiet. He kept yelling and being loud. After several times of telling him to use an inside voice, I picked him up and set him down out side the front door and closed the door. He stood there crying and rang the door bell - it was too funny!

MANism#01302010-2
Zac was playing with Gryphyn and threw him on the bed. G landed on a toy and got mad. He told Zac...
"You're being naughty Daddy!"

MANism#01302010-3
We were sitting in McDonalds eating and G was looking at the paintings on the wall - (they were of the original McD's characters) I asked him if he knew who the Fry Guys were and then made some comment to Zac about what is the world coming to? Kids don't even know who the Fry Guys are! To which G replied...
"Oh, I know who they are - they are like those things that roll around in the desert with cowboys and horses and cactus!"

Jan 21st - Day 21
Me at the gym - I need a picture of the day and it was a good excuse to take a break :)

Jan 22nd - Day 22
We went to go see "The Tooth Fairy" and when we came out there was a snow everywhere - I tried to take a picture with my phone but it wouldn't focus very well - this is the best one I got

Runner Up - 22b
Mom trying to stay warm while I take pictures.

Jan 23rd - Day 23
Gryphyn standing by the door - I can't believe how BIG he looks in this photo - he sure isn't my little baby anymore :(

Runner up - 23b
I found this cool phone cover at Borders Book store - If it didn't cost $15 I would have bought it for my phone!

Jan 24th - Day 24
Poor little sick Vahn - he was watching tv when I snapped this photo.

Runner Up - 24b
All that is left of our snowmen!

Jan 25th - Day 25
Vahn playing "World of Goo" on my laptop.

Jan 26th - Day 26
Vahn - "Don't take my picture mommy" - he is convinced that if he squeezes his eyes shut then I can't see him!

Jan 27th - Day 27
Gryphyn playing his new game I got him - After a week of being locked in the house, we were in desperate need of new games and puzzles so I picked up a few at a consignment store. They love this one with the rescue vehicles.

Jan 28th - Day 28
Crayons - oh what a mess they can make when they find their way on the table instead of the paper!

Jan 29th - Day 29
Me on my LAST day of HER2 treatment. Woo Hoo!
Mandy came to visit me and took this picture of me!

Jan 30th - Day 30
Zac and the Men playing at the park.

Jan 31st - Day 31
Early birthday celebration lunch for Zac at Red Lobster (Gryphyn took this photo)

MANism Monday

2010-01-25T20:58:00.002-05:00

MANism#01182010
Vahn woke up and came down stairs. Then made a beeline for the box of chocolates on the counter and asked....
V~ "Me have one of these mommy?"
M~ "Ummm NO!"
V~ "Okay, Me have corn?"
M~ "For breakfast? ummm k Sure!"

MANism#01182010-2
Gryphyn ~ "Mom I don't like my chair, its crazy"
"Why"
"Because"

MANism#01192010
We were driving to school and Gryphyn said...
G~"Mom I'm going to have a dog and name it Penny & a cat and name it ..... ummm TreeHonk!"
M~"Okay ... Treehonk huh?"
G~"Yep Treehonk Car!"
M~"What color is Treehonk going to be?"
G~"Black and White and Yellow .... and PURPLE"

MANism#01192010-2
The neighbors dog (Penny) was in the street when we were leaving and I told the men "I almost hit Penny she was in street"
G~ "He was in the street?"
M~"No, SHE was in the street. Penny is a girl so you say SHE"
V~ "Penny isn't a girl, Her's a DOG"

MANism#01202010
V~ "I want to throw things at Daddy when he gets home"
M~ Why? It's not nice to throw things at people"
V~ "Daddy's NOT people!"
M~ "He's not? What is he?"
V~ "Zac"

MANism#01202010-2
I told Gryphyn that I didn't really like dark chocolate and he said...
G~ "Mom you know what I'm going to get you for your birthday?"
M~ "Nope, What?"
G~ " A whole box of bright chocolate"
M~ " White chocolate?"
G~ " NO - BRIGHT chocolate, because you don't like dark."

MANism#01212010
The Men like to make shapes out of their food. They take a bite and then ask, "what does this look like?" This morning, Vahn was eating a blueberry waffle and he asked G what it looked like.....
V~ "What this look like?"
G~ "umm - light bulbs falling on your head"
V~ BITE "What this look like now?"
G~ "A blueberry tree"
V~ BITE "What this look like now?"
G~ "You"

MANism#01212010-2
It was really windy out side and Vahn's hat blew off. He said...
"It's winding my hat!"

MANism#01222010
We were driving in the car and Gryphyn said...
"Mommy when I get big I'm going to build a jet pack to fly way up in the sky where God lives"
M~ "Oh yeah, what are you going to do there?"
G~ "See what God does up there all day!"

MANism#01242010
Gryphyn ~ "Nana, I love you when you don't go to work"

MANism#01252010
I was giving Gryphyn a bath and he was complaining that my hands were cold
G~"Your cold hands are making the water cold!"

Project 365 - Days 12 - 20

2010-01-22T21:21:00.005-05:00

For those of you who follow my blog and who have been anxiously awaiting this weeks pictures, I promise I didn't forget this weeks post. Since I started school, my time on line is limited and our internet has been deciding NOT to work during the times that I am free to get on-line! Grrrrr!

Then, I took one of this weeks photos on Zac's camera and then couldn't find it in his stuff so, I had to wait him to send it to me. (not doing that again)

Okay, enough excuses, Here are this week's photos!

Jan 12th - Photo 12
Gryphyn and his new car creation

Photo 12b
(hey its my blog I can have more than 1 if I want) :)
Gryphyn asked me to take this of his new "future cars". It was going to be my photo of the day, but I loved the first one of him showing it to me so much, that I decided to add them both.

Jan 13th - Photo 13
Gryphyn outside of his new school.
He actually started on the 12th but so did I, so we didn't get "first day" pictures!
I love how he has a proud look on his face and yet he still has to hold his "baby" blanket! You think I will be able to get him to leave his blankie at home for his first day of high school?

Jan 14th - Photo 14
Vahn was so upset that he couldn't stay at school with Gryphyn
(he didn't come with us on the first day)
He must have cried for about 30min and kept asking for Gryphy to stay :(
I had to do some running around after we dropped off G & one stop was the bank - While we were there, they gave Vahn this piggy bank.
He LOVED it & wouldn't put it down the rest of the day.
Here is piggy playing at the park where we stopped just before picking up Gryphyn.

Jan 15th - Day 15
Vahn had just woke up from his nap and had CRAZY bed head.
I have to admit that I love it when they look like little boys (a crazy, dirty mess) Although, I would never take them out looking like that, it makes me smile and its an image of them that I want to keep forever!
I wish that I had got his whole face in this photo but he had literly, just got up from bed and was headed toward me for his few minutes of cuddle time and he wouldn't let me put him down and take another photo - but thats how life goes with kids - you gotta take what you get.

Jan 16th - Photo 16
We were going take the Men out to a park or something & take some photos today but Vahn took a long nap. By the time he woke up, the light was starting to fade, so we headed outside for a few minutes of soccer and a short bike ride. It was really cold and we were about to head in when the Men decided to take off down the street on their bikes (further than they are allowed to go). So Zac had to go after them.
I took this photo as they were headed back to the house. I love how the Men are rushing back and Zac looks upset about having to go after them.

Jan 17th - Photo 17
When did my baby get so BIG?
I went in to check on the Men before I went to bed and this angle of Gryphyn with one long leg stretched out made him look SO big in his bed.
He won't use any other blanket other than his "soft blue blankie" (I made it for him shortly after he was born) so I have to wait until he is asleep and then go in and cover him up with a bigger blanket.

Jan 18th - Day 18
It was Martin Luther King Day and Zac was off work - so we all went to the Dinosaur Museum. The Men loved playing at the Erosion table. What little boy wouldn't have a ball burying dinosaurs in the sand and then making the water rush over them!

Jan 19th - Day 19
Gryphyn taking a bath.
If I sit at the kitchen table downstairs, this is the view I have through the railing and into the bathroom.

Jan 20th - Day 20
Gryphyn swinging at the park.

MANism Monday

2010-01-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

MANism#01112010
Gryphyn was mad a Vahn and his big threat if Vahn didn't leave him alone????
"I'm going to mess up your hair"

MANism#01112010-2
I was sorting laundry and Vahn saw his penguin jammies (he got them for Christmas & wants to wear them every night)
"These my penguin jammies? I miss them all night!"

MANism#01122010
Gryphyn started preschool today and when we dropped him off, the kids were just sitting down to snack. His teacher asked if he wanted to join them and Gryphyn said "No thanks - I don't need any energy!"

Gryphyn outside of his new school

MANism#01122010-2
G ~ Mommy I'm not very happy with you!
M ~ Why?
G ~ Cuz you made me carry my blanket in (from the car)
M ~ Thats ok, you can be mad at me.

MANism#01132010
G ~ "Mom why don't penguins have hands?"
M ~ "Because God didn't give them any when he made them"
G ~ "But they need them, cuz if they have kids and the kids have lots of toys how are they going to put them away?"

MANism#01132010-2
G ~ "Mom, Papa is making me SO Sad!"
M ~ " Why"
G ~ "Cuz he is watching a grown up show and "I" want to watch t.v.!"

MANism#01142010
G ~ "Mommy when I grow up I'm going to marry you!"

MANism#01142010-2
Vahn ~ "Me have an owie"
Nana ~ "I" "have an owie"
Vahn ~ "I have an owie , me okay!"

We had dinner at Golden Corral and there was a guy making things out of balloons - here is Vahn anticipating his turn! (he got a fishing pole with a fish on the end and G got a hat and then went back and asked for a green sword)

MANism#01142010-3
You guys are crazy - can I have some of your energy?
G ~ NO Mommy, You have to get your own!

MANism#01162010
I was reprimanding Gryphyn yet again and Vahn looks over at him and says... "Just say Yes Ma'am, Gryphyn!"

MANism#01162010-2
G~ "Daddy you can't eat things when they fall on the sidewalk because they have yucky, tiny germs on them - thats why I like sticks!"

MANism#01162010-3
G~ "Daddy you always get me the good stuff all the time. Thats why I love you all the time!"

MANism#01172010
Vahn was sick and had to stay home from church and he was trying to ask me if the reason he was throwing up was because he was little. It took quite awhile to figure out what he was saying. I got about one or two words per sentence - so I repeat back what I thought he says and he looks at me frustrated and says....
V~ Mommy you know what me talking about?
M~ No not really - sorry honey!

Project 365 - Days 6-11

2010-01-12T12:39:00.002-05:00

January 6th - Day 6
Me trying to pick up the wireless signal on the lap top. Most of the time, it works great but occasionally, you have to search high and low for the signal. (Gryphyn took this picture)

January 7th - Day 7
The American flag flying outside of the gym. The men just recently learned what an "American" flag is and love it when it is blowing in the wind!

January 8th - Day 8
Gryphyn and Mommy - Vahn took this photo of us. I love how G is making faces instead of smiling - it is VERY Gryphyn!

January 9th - Day 9
Family day! The men went swimming at the gym while I was working out and then we went to Applebys for lunch - The Men fell asleep on the way home so Zac and I took advantage of the quiet and napped as well. When we woke up, Zac went and got some movies from Red Box. Here we are all sitting on the couch waiting for our movie (Night at the Museum 2) to start.

January 10th - Day 10
Our poor snow man! This is the one that was peed on (bottom right) and NOW, he is standing right where the sun shines so half of him as melted away!

January 11th - Day 11
Gryphyn had a drs appt for a preschool check up - so on the way there, we stopped at McDonalds for his favorite - Chicken & Fries!

MANism Monday

2010-01-11T11:09:00.002-05:00

Vahn playing games on my iphone - I'm pretty sure he can use it better than I can!

MANism #01032010
When Vahn got out of the bath his fingers were all wrinkled and he looked at them and said "I have old fingers!"

MANism #01042010
Gryphyn- "Mom you better see this, its very awesome" (he was rolling a ball down slide on one of his toys)

MANism #01042010 -2
Zac was in the shower and Gryphyn banged on the door and yelled "Daddy be quiet , Papa is sleeping" (the bathroom door is right next door to Papas room)

MANism #01042010-3
Gryphyn "When I get big like you daddy, I'm going to like beer!"

MANism #01052010
Gryphyn to Vahn ....
"Aaack doesn't mean words - what are you trying to say Vahn?"

MANism #01052010-2
Gryphyn what do you want to be when you grow up?
"ummmm............. A Jedi Knight!"

MANism#0182010
G~ "why do we have to go to the gym all the time?"
M~ "because mommy wants to get in shape and not be so fat so that I have more energy and can play with you more"
G~ "I want you to be fat Mommy - cuz I just want to play with Daddy"

MANism #01082010-2
G~ "What do big cranes do?"
M~ "They move heavy things and help build tall things"
G~ "Maybe they are building a really big playground!"

MANism #01092010
Zac was crawling around on the floor playing with Vahn and Vahn wanted him to turn on the tv. Zac reached for the remote (on top of the shelf) and said "ohhh I can't reach it"
Vahn replied, "Stand on your feet Daddy"

MANism#01092010-2
We were talking to Gryphyn about how his name ended with the letter N and told Vahn that his name did too - after spelling Gryphyns name with him, we spelled out Vahn's name with him repeating each letter after us:
Me~" V " Vahn~ "V"
Me~"A" Vahn~"A"
Me~"H" Vahn~"H"
Me~"N" Vahn~"N - Gryphyn"

MANism #01092010-3
The whole family took a nap and when Vahn woke up he crawled into our bed with us. Thinking it was night time,and he couldn't get up, he was tossing and turning - I whispered to him "what's wrong?" and he loudly replied "WHAT" - he was super exited that he was able to get up and hopped down said "Me have an idea" and ran out the door when he came back in, he had a drum.
Going into his room to get it, had woke up Gryphyn who yelled "NO" when Vahn left the room again. Gryphyn is very anti nap and was quite upset that he had been asleep!

MANism #01092010-4
Vahn found $5 on the table, he held it up excited and said "a lucky ticket!"

MANism # 01102010
Gryphyn " Mommy I want to go see the Chick-munk movie"

MANism#01102010-2
Gryphyn was trying to explain to Zac that he had a "can" of orange juice and said "It was like a diet coke"

Project 365 - Week 1

2010-01-06T19:03:00.002-05:00

In all my recent blog stalking, I have come across several mentions of the concept of Project 365 - of course NOW I can't find any of them to reference or quote so I'm on my own. Thats okay - this will be MY version of it anyway.

So, my understanding of Project 365 is that you take at least 1 picture each day. Then compile those photos into a memory of the past year.

I am pretty good about photographing the BIG events in our lives but we tend to forget all the little day to day things. All the moments that pass too quickly and you wish you could remember.

So that is my goal for this project to notice the little things. To be able to look back next year and see what was really important. The have a memory of the expressions and crazy things my men do.

So with out further ado, here are the first 5 photos of 2010!

Jan 1st - photo #1
The Pirate snowman that Gryphyn and I built

Jan 2nd - photo #2
Vahn cuddling after his nap - someday he won't nap anymore and snuggling up on Mommys lap will be the LAST thing he wants to do.

Jan 3rd - photo #3
Vahn playing a game while we wait for a table at Ruby River for lunch after church
(this one was taken with my phone and there for not the best - but the best one I got that day)

Jan 4th - photo #4
Mandy, Mom & I went out for dinner and then to see the Sherlock Holmes movie. I saw this Chipmunk display as we were headed to buy our tickets and remembered I hadn't taken a photo yet (hey I"m still new to this concept) So I had Mom take a few of Mandy and I

Jan 5th - photo #5
Gryphyn & Daddy - Not many people get to see this side of Gryphyn - we try to post the smiling happy photos of him. But this photo is VERY MUCH Gryphyn.
He had wet his pants and threw a huge fit about cleaning up, taking, a bath etc.... I had had it with the whining and sent him to bed. When Daddy came home a few minutes later, I let him get up and say Hi to Daddy. In this photo, they were talking about the choices Gryphyn had made. I love his expression and the innocence of it - but it makes me sad at the same time.

MANism Monday

2010-01-04T02:31:00.002-05:00

Vahn watching movies on Daddy's phone- I guess all the good seats were already taken.

MANism #122909
Gryphyn doesn't really get the concept of telling jokes but that doesn't stop him from making up his own:
"Mom, what do trees bite with?" I don't know. What? "Spoons - Spoon mouths - HA HA HA"

MANism #122909-2
Vahn - I told him to take his toys upstairs to his room and he sat down on the stairs with a pouty face and said
"Me not happy with you Mom"

MANism #123009
Vahn - "I don't want to do dat" Well, would you like to have a spankin' or clean up?
"Would like to clean up"

MANism #123009-2
Vahn was poking holes in a piece of paper with a pen and stabbed his finger. I got him calmed down and put a band-aide on it. Gryphyn started grabbing the box and insisting that he needed one as well. I told him NO! and he said
"I'm going to stab myself - so I can have a band-aide"
GRRR - "You may NOT have a band-aide if you stab yourself on purpose!"

MANism #123009-3
Aunt Mimi went to the gym with us and when it was time to go, Gryphyn ran off to play with the trains by the front door Mimi went after him and on the way back, had a talk with him about not running off- when they came back to the kids area where I was helping Vahn put his shoes on, Gryphyn said
"Mom can I run off?"

MANism #123109
Gryphyn and Vahn were fighting and I made them apologize and give each other hugs. Gryphyn said
"I don't like Vahn's yucky kisses, they aren't my favorite!"

MANism #123109-2
Gryphyn "When both the hands are at the top (of the clock) we have to say Happy New Year & eat cookies!"

MANism #01022010
Driving home today we passed someone pulled over on the side of the road. Gryphyn asked "Mom what is a police ticket?" Not wanting to get into the whole explanation just then, I said "I don't know" to which he replied
" Yes you do - you got one!"

MANism#01032010
Gryphyn - we were at church just before they took offering and G said
"I don't want to give my money to God, I want to buy toys!"

MANism#01032010-2
Gryphyn - we were at lunch and G was laying down on the seat - we told him to sit up and he said
"I need to scratch my belly"

Gryphyn and the snowball that hit the camera!

ONE WORD

2010-01-01T13:40:00.003-05:00

After my last post, New Years Resolutions, I took my whole list of words, cut it up in little strips, folded up the little slips of paper and put them all in a hat. Then I closed my eyes and prayed that God would let me choose from the hat the ONE thing that I needed to focus on this coming year. I mixed them all up some more, then some more, and then even more--- slowly pulled one out and asked God to give me peace about what ever it was I was about to read on this paper!

I slowly open my eyes - (really nervous about what I was going to read)

Looking away, I slowly opened the paper.

Then stole a quick glance at the paper. That got my attention and I stared at the paper in disbelief!

WHAT - you have got to be kidding!

Me..... PATIENCE - Really?

"I" need to work on Patience??????

I consider myself to be a VERY patience person - its usually the one word that I use to describe myself!

I almost didn't even put it in the mix.

I was about to throw it away and pick again but then I started thinking about the past year all the challenges and all the unresolved issues I still am facing now.

I must admit - I am tired of not having any answers. Of waiting for things to happen. I want to go out and MAKE things happen - but my attempts have all failed.

So very much so, God is telling me to be PATIENT!

His ways are not our own and His timing is not our timing.

It has been a few days now since I opened that slip of paper. The shock has worn off and I am actually excited to see what God has planned for me in 2010.

I have a new peace about being Patient and waiting on God's timing on all my big questions. Okay I do Still want to have all the answers right now. But i'm okay with waiting.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

New Year Resolutions

2009-12-30T12:40:00.002-05:00

It's that time of year again when people make there big lists of what they want to be different in the new year. I've never been real big on making a resolutions list. Occasionally, I'll think of a few things, but I've never really liked the idea of writing out a list of things to do in the coming year - which is really odd because I am SUCH a list maker!

I think the main reason is - I DON'T want to fail and a list like that "usually" doesn't get done:

Here are some fun Facts I stole (from here):

During this week, millions upon millions of people around the world will be formulating their New Years Resolutions.

Here's how things usually end up.

63% of people are still keeping their resolutions after the first two months.

67% of people actually make 3 or more resolutions.

The top resolutions usually involve promises to exercise more (37%), increasing the time devoted to study or work (23%), losing weight, stop smoking or drinking (alcohol and/or coffee), and eat healthier.

People make more resolutions to start a new habit (84%) , than to break an old one (16%).

65% of people made their resolutions between the 28th of December and New Year's Day. The rest usually take up until the end of January.

Of those who successfully achieved their top resolution, 40% of them did so on the first attempt. The rest made multiple tries, with 17% finally succeeding after more than six attempts.

So yeah, I totally fall into that group, my only thoughts for this coming year have been the usual weight loss, get in shape type goals. But then this morning as I was reading all the updates on my blog list, I came across and interesting concept:ONE LITTLE WORDand it struck home with me. I LOVE this concept!

But now the search begins to find a word???
As I look back on 2009 and ahead to 2010, what is the ONE thing I want to focus on to be different this year?

I started brainstorming and the first thing to come to mind were the fruits of the spirit:

LOVE
JOY
PEACE
PATIENCE ......

Yeah, thats as far as I got. I never can remember how that whole list goes - good thing I have resources to look it up :)

Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Thats better!
Some of the other words I came up with were:

FIT
HEALTHY
STRONG or STRENGTH
FAMILY
LEARN
GROW
TRUST

But now to choose?

There are too many to choose ducks over (inside joke for the ladies at bible study)
I still have a few days till I have to decide so, i am going think, pray and most likely pick one from a hat!

So check back in a few days to see what my word for 2010 will be!

MANism Monday

2009-12-28T01:34:00.003-05:00

My CRAZY MEN and I

Recently, I started posting on Facebook the funny things my Men say and titled them "MANISMS" Then I started jotting them down in folder on my desktop - they really are too often to post on FB all the time but I thought they would be perfect for my blog - so here you go here is my first edition of MANism Monday:

MANism # 121709-2
Gryphyn - "Mom can I have some yogurt?" "Sure" "Woo Hoo!" He opens the fridge and says "Hi Mr Yogurt - Mom says I can eat you! HA HA!"

MANism # 121909
I woke up at 4:30am to Vahn crying - felt Zac stir and was going to let him get up but then the mom in me picked up that "tone" in the cry and jumped out of bed to see what was wrong. After a few minutes I calmed Vahn down enough to find out what was wrong - the problem ???? ........... "Me want cookies!"

MANism #122009
Gryphyn - "You can still sleep mommy! Don't get up, Daddy can get me breakfast!"

MANism #122309
Gryphyn was being crabby and I told him it was time to go to bed which of course he threw a fit about. So in trying to explain to him WHY he had to go to bed, I said "You are so tired that you can't even function!" To which he replied "I'm going to function!"

MANism #122609
Vahn was eating breakfast and he looks over to me and says "Me toe is different" turns out ALL his toes are different (none of them match) How very random!

MANism #122709
What do you want for dinner? Gryphyn- "ummm noodles" Vahn - What do you want? "Donuts!"
At least he is honest! :)

P.S. If you haven't already figured it out, the MANism # is the date :)

Make a list Monday

2009-12-14T15:32:00.002-05:00

So I've been thinking that I should blog more and have started following a lot of great blogs that really inspire me.
One of those blogs is:
http://tuckerstaketennessee.blogspot.com

On todays post, she wrote:

"This week's blog assignment at MGR is to make a list of what is on your Christmas list"

So of course I had to look up MGR to see what that was about - I'm going to need a lot more time to devote to that - it looked really interesting for the quick glance I took - and for some reason, I NEED to have my questions answered about blogs and how/ why you get assignments?

But I don't have the time today - INSTEAD, I'm going to "blog" MY to do list!
(which I should be doing instead of typing this)

I try to get as much done each day as I can - the rest rolls over to tomorrow :)

Go to the Gym - CHECK

Apply for membership - CHECK

Get Groceries - CHECK

Apply for FASA

Laundry

Craft Store - stuff to make Christmas Presents with the Men

Edit Pictures

Get Drivers License

Take placement test for SLCC

Fix nails

Return Pans to Stacey

Bible Study @ 7

Ok - I know you are dying to know what MGR is as well - so I'll be nice and add the link for you - try not to waste too much time on there and ignore YOUR to do list!

http://mygreatretreat.com

Christmas

2009-12-06T21:23:00.002-05:00

Its no big secret that I LOVE Christmas!

I go a little crazy decorating the house and look forward to the day the radio stations start playing Christmas music. I program all the "Christmas stations" on my presets and put Christmas CDs in the player for when they stations play commercials

I Love:
-bundling up in coats and hats and mittens because of the chill in the air
- the snow on everything & sledding (now that I live where it snows)
- driving around seeing all the houses with lights
- the Christmas decorations in all the stores
- caroling
- baking cookies and pies and breads for the holiday parties
- the Advent church services
- decorating the tree
- watching Christmas movies bundled up by a fire
-& the way everyone seems to smile at strangers (well for the most part)

Then there are all the things that I HATE about the holiday season.

- The stress & GREEDINESS
- the Black Friday Sales where people stand in line for hours and then push and shove to get the best deals
- the desire to buy MORE and MORE stuff that we don't need - just because its a good price.
- the feeling that you have to get something for everyone that just ads up to stacks and stacks of presents under the tree!
(You shouldn't have more presents than you do tree!)
- Then spending hours trying to figure out how to politely write thank you notes for all the things you didn't want & now have to figure out where then came from & stand in line to return.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we "shouldn't" buy presents for our families and friends. But it seems that the PRESENTS have become the meaning of Christmas.

I will be out with my kids and the big question from everyone we meet is -
"What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
During the holidays, are kids are "taught" to be greedy!
I know its only natural to want things, but I struggle with how to teach my kids to be givers instead of being so selfish all the time.

A few weeks ago,(by request) we were going thru the ads from the Sunday paper and circling what we wanted and Gryphyn was being super greedy to the point of throwing a fit when I declined some of his requests to circle. I knew then that I was encouraging his greediness. But didn't know what to do.

The next morning, while eating breakfast, he picks up the ads and starts with the "I want ...." So, I tried to turn things around, I asked Gryphyn what he wanted to get for his brother Vahn for Christmas and he says "umm maybe a magazine" and goes on pointing out the toys that "he" wanted for himself. So I took the ads away and we had a talk about giving to others and and asked him if he thought Vahn would like to have a magazine. I explained that it was selfish to give something cheap so that we can buy more expensive things for ourselves. I'm not sure how much sunk into his little 4 year old brain. But I decided then that we were doing things different this year.

The Men and I are going to make all our presents that we give away and I've asked everyone to not buy them a bunch of toys and stuff they don't need. I would love to do some sort of service type project with them but I think they may be a bit young for that still (at 2 & 4).

I want to spend more time together as a family, focus on Jesus, HIS story and to GIVE in what ever way we can.

I came across the following video on a blog I follow. It is primarily for a project that supplies clean water to those who don't have it but I LOVE the wording and meaning of the video. Christmas IS about Christ's birth -celebrating him - teaching THAT to our children.

I hope it touches you like it did me:

Tattoos!

2009-06-17T12:32:00.002-04:00

Today I got my first tattoo. Heck I got 3 of them!
They aren't anything cool though- just 3 little blue dots for Radiation.

Thanks to the Web :0) Here are the answers to your questions!

Why do I need tattoos to get radiation?

Tattoo markings that are used for radiation therapy are very small (around 1 millimeter), about the size of a freckle or the head of a pin. They are necessary so the radiation therapist can precisely pinpoint the area needing treatment. These permanent markings are crucial for ensuring the accurate targeting of the tumor area. It also allows the technician to line up the treatment fields quicker making each of your treatment sessions run more smoothly.

What do the tattoos look like?

The tattoos are created by placing a drop of dark blue or black India ink on the skin and then using a sterilized needle to implant a bit of the ink within the skin layer. The process feels like a pinprick, much less painful than when you have blood drawn. Each tattoo is often smaller than a freckle, which, in most cases, would not be seen by anyone other than the patient who knows that they are there or the therapist.

Actually, not really! Its a quick simple procedure and so far I haven't had any side effects.
I do have to go EVERY day (except weekends) which sort of sucks but at least it doesn't take the 7 hours that chemo treatments did.
The whole thing takes anywhere from 30 min to an hour depending on the day and if I need to have slides, or ct scans done or if its my day to see the Dr.
X-rays or Slides are done on Mon and Wed, Mini CT scans on Friday and I see the dr once a week.

The machine they use is pretty cool.
Here is a picture of a machine similar to the one they use

All I do is lay on the table while the whole thing rotates around me.
The head unit is capable of doing the x-rays, ct scans and administer the radiation.
Before we started, they did a complete CT scan of my chest and they used that to make a virtual "me" in the computer. From that image, they map my radiation treatments.
On Mon & Wed when they do the scans, they compare them to the virtual "me" to make sure that I am in the right place. Same with the CT scans - they compare those to the originals and adjust as needed. Prior to todays tattoos, I had permanent marker "x's" covered by little clear sticker. These are the external points that they line me up by to begin with. Then they can move the table or equipment to make sure they are in the right area. Pretty Cool!

As for that cool tattoo, I still may get it.
I never have wanted a tattoo before. But now I kind of do. Sort of a reminder and celebration of all that I've been thru.
I'm still not sure what or where but have been thinking of getting a pink cancer ribbon that dissolves into butterflies. I like the symbolism of the cancer dissolving into something beautiful. Cancer is just the caterpillar stage of my life. But I'm confident that I can transform into a beautiful graceful butterfly soon! At least thats my goal!

I kind of like this tattoo. Although I don't think I want mine to be really big or purple and of course this one doesn't have the ribbon. If any one can draw or comes across a picture, please send your ideas my way.

Happy Birthday Smalls

2009-05-01T07:31:00.002-04:00

On Sunday April 26th, my baby turned 2!

I can't believe its been 2 years already - where does the time go???

My last chemo treatment has been rough, I'm super tired lately and have zero energy - which totally sucks. I joked that it only makes sense to feel so bad the week before Vahn's b-day since that is how I felt 2 years ago waiting for him to make is appearance. However, this time, I got to sit back and relax while someone else did the work!

Thank you so much to my sister Valerie for all the work you did to make Vahns party happen. Zac was in Florida for a wedding for the weekend and my MIL Ann was visiting (which also was a BIG help) Thank you Mom! But Valerie was the one who did all the party prep and shopping (food, presents, decorations, etc...) Then made us super yummy dinner and baked and decorated the cutest car cakes for Vahn.

I wanted to have a big party and invite lots of people but I didn't have the money or energy for that this year - so I was happy to finally have family in town and be able to have our 1st "family" birthday party.

Here is a picture of all the kids on their plasma cars- well except Gryphyn - Uncle Josh sat in for him since he was busy throwing a fit because he couldn't sit on the "green" car! He is very much into the color green right now and everything has to be green. If there is a green option, he has to have it or he melts down.

Vahn on the other hand, is pretty laid back and generally happy with whatever.

His favorite presents were:

The plasma car - now we have 2 so they don't have to fight over it - however they both want the new one now

Ball - still a big fan of balls

and his new cup - it has cars on it!

Happy Birthday Little Man - I love you!

"MONSTERS"

2009-04-08T19:03:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I had some time to kill waiting in the drs office so I decided to use the time to catch up on my reading.

I should have brought one of the many books I have been meaning to get to, or at least chose the photography magazine that, I have been carrying around in my bag for months now. The one that Zac keeps asking me if I've read yet - yeah someday I really do intend to read that - Really I do want to. (Some how I don't think Zac is convinced)

But yesterday, I wasn't feeling up to anything that required a lot of brain power or deep though.
I mean how often to I get away by myself. Granted I was sitting in the waiting room at the VA getting ready to be stuck by needles and put in a machine to look at my heart, but to me this was relaxing - a little mini vacation - KID FREE.
No one crying or screaming or fighting, no one asking for more juice or to take them potty. No "what are we doing next time?" (meaning when we are done here), No "Babis" or "ba-ba requests". I was for once surrounded by adults who were content to nod and smile at my presence and not require anything more from me.

Yet somehow my focus was still on my little men. So after glancing thru the piles of magazines that were no kidding several years old (they really need to update those) I pulled a Parents magazine out of my bag and started flipping thru it.

Mostly looking at the pictures occasionally reading an article that sounded interesting.
One article I did read was about organizing the kids playroom - with the boys room STILL not finished, their toys are mostly in the living room and I'm always trying to find a way to make my living room NOT look like a toy store that was hit by a tornado.

The article started off with the author describing her kids playroom, saying it looked like a lego eating monster had barfed on the rug! I was dying laughing YES, that was SO my house - not legos (yet) but definitely some sort of preschool toy eating monster regularly gets sick in my living room!

While I was away at my dr appt, I think our "monster" called some of his friends because later that evening, the play dough eating monster visited my kitchen. Maybe HE should have been the one at the dr -because it didn't take long for him to spew brightly colored play dough bits everywhere!

I know tonight when I run the bath for the men, the water monster will sneak into the tub while I am not looking and splash water all over the bathroom requiring a minimum of two giant super absorbent towels to mop up the mess.

I'm sure some part of me will miss all of our "MONSTERS" when they are gone, but for now,
I'm considering posting some "no monsters allowed signs"

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

2009-03-08T21:51:00.004-04:00

Lately, I have been writing down the funny things Gryphyn says and Vahns new word.

I thought I would share them in a post.

Are you done sweeping? - "No, I'm still scooting"

"Have to sweep the rug , there are germs on it"

When Vahn woke up from a nap and walked out to the living room - "It's the smalls! Hi Smalls!"

When looking at my prom picture - "I don't want you to be a princess"

"Mommy what's today?" Umm Wednesday "Wednesday? Thats cool"

When apologizing to Vahn - "I'm sorry for saying bad choice words for him"

When I asked him if he was excited to sleep in his own room again - "It's going to be COOL! It's going to be a little scary sleeping in there"

While looking at one of my fitness magazines - "What she doing? Why her not have clothes on?" (she was wearing a swimsuit)

After pausing a movie for a potty break - "Don't pause it back"

"There's Oh Tea Toe" - R2D2 on Star Wars

Zac asked him - Should we ditch you somewhere? "No, I'm not a plate" Not a DISH, Ditch :)

We have been working on not telling everyone to shut up - from the other room, I heard - "Vahn - You shut down"

We taught both of our boys sign language before they could talk - Gryphyn signed a lot more than Vahn does - and now that Vahn is starting to talk more, he isn't signing as much either.

Here is a list of words that he still signs on a regular basis:

Thank you - Sleep - All gone (all done) - Diaper

The following words, he signs AND says together:

Hat - Please - Apple - Milk - Juice

Words that he says:

Mama - Dada - Done - Ball - No - More - Shoe - Owww - Flower - Bye bye - Go -Stop -Snack - Cheese - Apple - Please - Butt

Additional words in his own language:

Ahh Haa (for Yes) - Ba ba (for his pacifier / sucky) - Ba-bis ( for Bob the builder) Shoe - shoe ( for train / choo choo ) and most other things are some sort of version of "Ba-bis" or "shoe shoe"

He is very interested in talking and tries to say the words right when you tell him what something is - but hasn't quite figured out how to make his mouth make all the sounds yet - its cute to watch him try - :)

2nd round of Chemo

2009-02-18T13:20:00.002-05:00

Oh the joy of Chemo days!

Yesterday, I spent another 6hrs at the oncologist office.
Everything went well - all my blood work was good and I had no problems with the treatment - it just takes FOREVER to get it all.

Here is a quick run down of the day

~9:15am - finally get everyone packed up and out the door
~Drop the men off at school along with all accessories & car seats
( they went home with Gryphyn's teacher afterward)
~Stop and get breakfast for Zac
(who wasn't up in time to eat before we left - in typical Zac fashion)
~Arrive at the oncologist office for 10:30 scheduled time
~Wait in waiting room forever to get called back
~Move to new room with 3 others and wait my turn for vitals (all good)
~Move to exam room down the hall to see nurse
(quick check up, answer questions etc.)
~Finally move to chemo treatment room
~Get all hooked up to port

~Draw blood through port
(to make sure it's in the right place and to test my levels
and see if I'm "well" enough to receive treatment)
~Results all came back good - so they start mixing my meds
~12:00 - finally ready to start chemo
~Take tylenol, benadrly and 2 antinausa meds

Chilling with a magazine while getting anti-nausea iv

~ 1pm (ish) Start on the 4 ivs of chemo and HER2 drugs

Getting sleepy (thats my nurse Sharon in the back gound)

~Slept for a bit while Zac took off to drop off my prescription at the VA pharmacy and get us some lunch and a few things from Wal-Mart
~ 3pm - Zac back with lunch - Chick -Fil-A - YUMMY!
~5pm - finally done for the day
~"YAWN" what a long day!

Then we still had to go pick up my meds from the VA and get the lil men from Jennifers house.
Thank you again Jennifer for keeping them for me - You have been such a blessing to us - especially on these long treatment days!

A few details that I know some of you will ask :)

I got some new meds for heartburn and Zac also picked up some head and shoulders type shampoo for me to shower with - I forgot what they called it but I broke out on my hairline everywhere - first under my arms mostly on the left side so I thought maybe it had something to do with the lymph nodes being removed from that side but I also now have it on the back of my neck, chest, bikini line and a few on my legs - so they said to shower with the anti dandruff stuff since it also has a med in it to prevent breakouts - humm who knew - worth a try a least. I so don't want to be the bumpy, pasty, bald girl. LOL

I go back tonight at 5pm for the nulasta shot (to stimulate white blood cell growth) It was quite painful last time - so I'm anticipating lots of pain killers and sleep for tomorrows schedule.

Thank you in advance for the prayers- I only had about 4 bad days first time around - so I'm hoping for the same or less this time around!

Shaving Party

2009-02-15T17:13:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted that I was going to have a shaving party when my hair started falling out. It proved to be pretty difficult to get everyone together for a shaving party - especially when I didn't know exactly when I would start shedding. Luckily, my sister in law, Mandy, was able to fly out to see us around the time the doctors said I could expect the transformation to begin.

I was hesitant to shave it if it wasn't going to fall out - so on Wednesday morning when it DID start to fall out, I was actually relieved. That morning, when I ran my hands through my hair I got 4 or 5 strands each time - but by that night, it was around 20-25 each time. So we decided it was time to shave it.

We had so much fun - we laughed A LOT and joked that "THIS" is why you should always have a professional cut your hair. Zac was on hand to capture everything in photographs and add a few creative designs himself.

Here is the video of this step in my journey:

Smoochbooth Soiree

2009-02-14T11:26:00.003-05:00

Last night I got to go to a party!
I was so excited - I NEVER get to go out.
We sort of forgot about it - till Zac checked the calendar yesterday afternoon
- Great no way am I going to find a babysitter last minute.
But after several phone calls, someone finally said YES!

Thank you so much Jennifer and Blake for being available and willing to come over on very short notice. I had the most fun I've had in a really long time - thanks to you guys keeping the kiddos so we could go out :)

So where did we go???

Why the Smoochbooth Soiree of course - it was the official release of the Smoochbooth.

What the heck is a Smoochbooth? - Its sort of like those little photobooths in the mall where you take pictures with your friends - only MUCH MUCH cooler.

Check out the website at: www.smoochbooth.com

Here are a few pictures we took in the booth.

To see more, you can register at : http://www.pictage.come/611671
The event isn't released yet - but you can sign up to be notified by email when it is -if you want.

Oh and you may have noticed that I don't have any hair - Yeah that happens with cancer :)

I'm working on editing the photos from the shaving party and should have those up soon.

CUPCAKES!

2009-02-03T15:42:00.004-05:00

Today is Zac's Birthday and in celebration, Gryphyn and I made colorful cupcakes.
Here is our adventure in photos. ENJOY!
(thanks for the idea Crystal)

Getting ready:

Mixing Colors:

Ready to bake:

Yummy:

Now about that mess.....

Are we done yet?

2009-02-01T22:13:00.002-05:00

So today - definitely NOT one of the best days of my life! Did I mention I'm not such a big fan of all this cancer stuff???

Thankfully, the symptoms haven't been too bad - mostly tired and everything tastes like crap! Then yesterday, I had to go in to get a shot that stimulates the white blood cells. And today - MAN does everything hurt! All my big bones and joints hurt so bad. I'm pretty tough so if I'm complaining of pain - you know its gotta hurt! So I've been spending most of my day in bed sleeping while Zac is being a trooper and taking care of everything else. The men aren't letting him have an easy time of it either.

It all started at 7am when Gryphyn woke up and had said he had to throw up. Thankfully he made it to the bathroom. However, that was just one of many times thru out the day - not all of which made it to the bathroom :( Somewhere in there, Zac put Vahn in bed with me so he could deal with Gryphyn's mess and Vahn drifted off to sleep - a bit later however, he apparently was feeling left out because he woke up and puked all over the bed - Gee Thanks! Being the good wife I am, I quickly called Zac in to deal with that as well and moved over to the boys bed so I could stay out of the way!

Its been several hours now and things seem to have settled down - I'm praying that tomorrow isn't as eventful! However from my perspective, I got to sleep all day and the boys got baths, the beds all stripped and washed, laundry done, bathroom cleaned and the men are all tucked in sleeping peacefully! Somehow, I don't think Zac sees it in the same way!

I couldn't do this with out you Zac - Thank you so much for everything - I DO!

MUGA test and CHEMO starting!

2009-01-28T20:58:00.004-05:00

Quick update - today I went and had a MUGA test done it checks to see how much blood pumps out of my heart when it contracts. Anything over 50-55% is considered normal - You will be happy to know that mine was in the 60% range :) Folowing is a description of the test I stole from someone elses blog (http://www.slowtrav.com/blog/kim/archives/006401.html) Gotta give credit where it is due! I did change a few details that weren't the same as my experience

"They weren't looking for anything wrong, just a baseline for comparison to make sure it doesn't get damaged by the ~~poisons~~ medications they're going to start injecting into me tomorrow.

As the tech said, this is probably the easiest procedure I'll endure during the next few months. It started with a needle, as they injected something into me (I forget what). Then I had to wait 20 minutes, while whatever they injected into me bonded with my red blood cells (a little tango perhaps). Then another injection, this time with radioactive stuff (and no, unfortunately, I do not glow in the dark). They attached three sets of diodes and wires. Then took three sets of pictures of my heart, spaced 16 min apart based on my heart cycle. And then I was done. "

I did learn that I have a slight irregularity in my heart beat. Its not a big deal -nothing to be concerned about I never knew it was irregular -but its been there for as long as I can remember. Basically, on every 4th beat, my heart beats twice - so when you are listening to it on a monitor, it sounds like - BEEP -- BEEP -- BEEP -- BEEPBEEP-- BEEP -- BEEP -- BEEP -- BEEPBEEP. No wonder I've always had a hard time trying to find my heart rate at the gym - ya know when you are suppose to stop and count for 30sec - Mine goes 1-2-3-45-umm I think 7-8-9-1011 - Yeah, I never had a clue trying to figure it out - NOW I know WHY!

Tomorrow, I start my Chemo and I'm slightly nervous about it - I think it will be fine and usually you have no side effects the day of treatment (they show up the next day) its just he uncertainty of which side effects if any I will have.

I was accepted into the test study program for the test drug for my HER-2 status so I will be getting 4 drugs now (I know I said 5 before if you keep up with these posts - but they decided to drop one of them) So I will be taking:

Taxotere, Carboplatin, Herceptin, & Avastin

and for those of you werdos who I know will ask what drugs I'm taking LOL - here is what they have prescribed currently:

Dexamethosone - I take this one 2x daily the day before chemo, the day of, and the day after - it helps to prevent side effects that chemo causes

and 3 different nausea meds:

Granisetron, Lorazepam, & Promethazine - these are all take as needed.

The Granisetron, I am suppose to take for 3 days following chemo and the Promethazine is sedating so take that one if things get too bad

Fun stuff - I'm hoping and praying that I won't need to take any of them!

Shaving Party

2009-01-17T21:41:00.003-05:00

Come one, come all - be the first to shave my hair off! Tickets starting at..... NAH it's free!

No doubt it will be an emotional event but I figure - if I have to loose my hair I may as well have some fun doing it.

A few weeks ago I saw this photo in Zac's Professional Photographer magazine:

It is a ceremony of a young boy becoming a Buddhist monk. Which I have no intention of doing - (becoming a monk that is or a young boy) but when I saw it, it was moving to me and I instantly wanted to photograph my journey.

Then Zac started talking about me putting a tattoo on my head - which I think is a really cool thing to do - but its not really "ME" - I was looking around on line to see if I could find some pix of others who had done that and he was right - seems no one has. However, I did find some cool Henna stuff that I just may have to do :)

On the Chemo Chicks website, there was a woman who had a shaving party - she invited over some friends and they helped cut and shave her hair off. I don't want to sit alone in my bathroom crying as I watch my curls fall to the floor - lets celebrate - laugh - carve some strange designs and hair styles - lift our glasses and celebrate!

I don't want this to be a scary time in my life or my kids. Gryphyn in particular I think will have a hard time with mommy loosing her hair - He is all about hair - he gave up his "blankie" quite awhile ago and replaced it with playing with hair. When ever he drinks, he curls his hair around his fingers. When you buckle him in his car seat or he sits in your lap he says "I want to touch your hair"

Somewhere I was reading that to lessen the shock for you family, you should get a short hair cut so that you, and those around you, can get used to seeing you with shorter hair. So I'm thinking I may do that this week - Zac thinks that I should ask for a "high and tight" flat top with the bald spot and all :) I was thinking a tad more feminine for now.

As for when, my hair should start to thin after the first treatment and start falling out after the second so I have about 6 weeks to make the plans.

So, anyone who is up for a party - let me know and we will figure out a date when Zac the fabulous is available and have an extreme party for him to add to his photography collections :)

CHEMO!

2009-01-13T18:43:00.004-05:00

Well, we were hoping that I could possibly get out of having to do Chemo - but after meeting with the Oncologist yesterday, we feel chemotherapy it is the best course of action at this point.

Right now, if I chose NOT to do the Chemo, I have about a 60-65% chance of the cancer coming back - If I choose to DO the Chemo treatments, my chances drop to 15 -20% for reoccurrence. They won't ever be able to make the numbers zero because everyone is at risk for cancer (some more than others) already having it, puts me at a greater risk.

So, tomorrow, I have to be at the VA @ 12:30 for another surgery. I am having a small operation to have a port placed just under the skin below my collar bone. This will help to make the chemo treatments easier. Well at least less needles in my arm anyway. It looks like this:

The handout they gave me on it describes it this way:

"The PowerPort Implantable Port is a small device with a hollow space inside that is sealed by a soft top. It connects to a small, flexible tube called a catheter. When a special needle is put into the soft top of the PowerPort device, it creates "access" to your bloodstream, meaning that medications and fluids can be given and blood samples withdrawn."

Like this:

I'm not sure of the exact date I start Chemo yet - My oncologist wants to start next week but is still waiting on a final HER2 test results. When I was originally diagnosed, one of the blood tests , called an HER2 was inconclusive - they are now running a more specific test called fluorescence in situ hybridization (FISH) test. This test provides information related to the number of copies of the HER2 gene in the tumor cells.

About 15-20% of breast cancers have too much of a growth-promoting protein called HER2 and too many copies (more than 2) of the gene that instructs the cells to produce the protein. Tumors with increased levels of HER2 are referred to as "HER2-positive." HER2-positive breast cancer tumors tend to grow and spread more rapidly than other breast cancers.

My test originally came back as a 2 - which is boarder line - If I do end up being HER2 positive, then they will add a drug called Herceptin to my other chemo drugs.

Herceptin is a protein that fits like a lock and key on HER2 cells. Once it attaches to the cell, it bring other immune cells to help kill the cancer cell.

The other drugs, I will be taking as part of my chemo are:

Cytoxan, Adriamycin, & Taxotere

Cytoxan and Adriamycin both work to stop the grown of cancer cells, causing the cells to die. Taxotere is a mitotic inhibitor that effects the cell during mitosis keeping it from splitting into more cells. This drug is given every 3 weeks. Which sets the time frame for my treatments. Right now, I am scheduled for 6 sessions (every 3 weeks)

On a sad note, today was my last day at work for quite a while. The oncologist recommends that I limit my time around kids (other than my own) because my immune system will be weakened by the chemo treatments and a common cold could become deadly - I am going to miss the kids in the 2 year old class that I teach and all my friends at Trinity Presbyterian's MMO program!

Breast Cancer 3 Day

2009-01-10T17:08:00.005-05:00

As you all know, a few months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer - and I have been struggling with the whys and what do I do with all this. There must be a reason God allowed this happen - am I suppose to learn something?

DO something? WHAT??

I remember doing a breast cancer walk with the girl scouts many years ago and thought I should do that - since I have boys, I was thinking I would fly to AZ and do this walk with my niece's girl scout troop - so I was looking on line to see when the next one was and instead, came across the huge 3 day walk.

How is it even possible that I have never heard of this?

So many women all over the US raising money and trying to get the word out to find a cure - and I miss it!

So now I'm even more compelled to help get the word out.

Before I was diagnosed myself, I was so naive to breast cancer and its effects.

I always thought - yeah that sucks - but its not like anyone dies of breast cancer! SO WRONG! It could have been me this time if I hadn't insisted the dr's do a biopsy when they wanted to try stronger antibiotics. More and more people I know personally or thru a friend ARE being diagnosed with breast cancer. The numbers are astonishing!

"In 2008 alone, it's estimated that nearly 200,000 American women and nearly 2,000 men were diagnosed with breast cancer. Unless we find a cure, within 25 years more that 5 million Americans will develop the disease and over 1 million could die."

So more than ever, I am up for this challenge!

The 3 day walk covers 60 miles in 3 days time. You are required to raise a minimum of $2,300 to register other than that, I'm not really sure of the details yet - but I am convinced that I HAVE to do this. For me and for other women - TO FIND A CURE!

My sister Valerie is joining me in this challenge.

We will be walking in AZ on November 13-15th

If you would like to join our team, make a donation, help us train, or be a part of this in anyway, we would love to have you along on this journey!

www.The3Day.org

Someone else's words

2008-12-26T10:56:00.002-05:00

I've been reading this book called "The Victoria's Secret Catalog never stops coming and other lessons I learned from breast cancer" by Jennie Nash. I"m pretty sure she hangs out in my head because I can relate so well. I love chapter 6. It so sums up how I feel about the whole losing a boob thing. I am further along now than she is in this chapter but none the less I can totally relate to "longing for what I'd lost rather than envy for what I'd never had" So, I thought I would share:

"In the weeks before my mastectomy, in the long pre-Christmas season, the Victoria's Secret catalog never stopped coming. There was some sort of glitch in the mail system - or some special pre-holiday blitz- and I got two or three catalogs in the course of a few weeks, always on the day that I learned that something more-and worse-was going to happen to my breast. There I was, agonizing over the damage about to be done to me, and there they were-all those bare bodies, all those beautiful, smooth, and perfectly balanced breasts, all those pretty pieces of underwear designed to show them off.

It's easy enough to cancel a catalog-at least in theory. But if it wasn't the Victoreia's Secret catalog coming in the mailbox, it was thier models featured in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Tyra Banks in a tiny red bikinin on the cover of GQ, or the now-famous Victoria's Secret Web site ad in the middle of the Super Bowl. Idealized breasts were everywhere I turned and I couldn't help but stare.

I tried to make myself go back to the stacks of breast cancer guidebooks to look at the unlit and unposed photos of women before and after their surgeries, but now that a question of mastectomy wasn't philosophical, I didn't want to see those pictures The women they featured were not beautiful. They had cellulite on their tummies and fat on their arms, thin little rib cages and fleshy middles with angry red scars snaking across the skin. They had pendulous breasts and little pointy breast, huge-nippled breasts and dimpled breasts, breasts that were dented and cut and mashed and removed. Every one of the pictures made me turn my head as if I had been slapped.

"You're going about this all wrong," Lori insisted on one of the many afternoons she sat with me at my kitchen table so I wouldn't have to sit there alone. "These are hilarious. Look at this one," she said, pointing to a woman with droopy breasts. "She probably breast-fed about ten kids. And this one?" she said, picking out a woman with large dark circles around her nipples. "Perfect for target practice." I couldn't help but laugh at Lori's loopy sense of humor and was filled with gratitude for her willingness to say anything that had to be said.

"What's so funny?" Carlyn asked, suddenly appearing at my side.
"Nothing," I said, snapping the book shut.
"What?" she pressed.
"It's none of your business," Lori said.
This of course, drew the whole crowd of kids in the house-Carlyn and Emily and Lori's kids, Kimber and Sarah. "We want to see! We want to see!" the chanted.
"No way!" we chanted back. We owned those pages now, and we needed them. One of those surgeries was going to be the one I picked.

~

A few nights later Rob and I were back in the backyard hot tub.
"So do you think I should get breasts like Tyra's?" I asked-because what was I going to say: Will you still love me when I lose my breast? Will you still touch me? It's dark out there in the warm water, and you can say almost anything that has to be said-but there are something things even the darkness can't hold.
"They're nice on her, but on you? I don't think so," he said.
"You mean you wouldn't like it?"
"Sure I'd like it, but that's not why we have great sex," he said.
"They're kind of a critical component," I countered.
He shook his head. "I don't think so. I mean, what's great when we have sex?"
"Your smell, the mood, what you do," I blurted.
"Not breasts," he said, like a lawyer making a closing argument.
"That's easy for you to say- and it's also not what you said before this was a reality."
"That's not fair," Rob snapped.
The breeze blew; the fog rolled in over our heads.
After a moment, he asked, "What makes it hard for you?"

I took a breath and cataloged the things about my breast that I would miss: the sensation of having my kids lean up against me when we read books at night; the feeling of pressing against another person when I give them a hug; the pride I have that these breasts did a good job at what they were intended to do; the warm and comforting feeling of Rob's hands on them: the way the nipples respond to his touch: the exact shape, wight, and balance of them; the fact that they are mine. I stopped to breathe. Rob sat unmoving across from me-frozen as if we were sitting in ice.
"I never thought about half those things," Rob said quietly.
I looked out at the night, dry-eyed and grief-stricken.
"We don't need your breast," he said. "We'll get used to it."

He moved behind me and cupped his hands around me the way I like. It could have been any night, but it was one of our last nights, and all I could think about was what it would feel like not to feel that feeling and what it would be like to thumb through the Victoria's Secret catalog, the next time it came, with longing for what I'd lost rather than envy for what I'd never had.

Test Results

2008-12-23T22:11:00.002-05:00

I know we all could use some good news so I'm so happy to have some to share!

Awareness Graphics
Myspace Comments - Upload Photos

I had my follow up appt today and they took the drain tubes out I am so glad to be rid of those!
I also got the test results back and all the margins were clear and it had NOT spread to the lymph nodes So that means that they got all the cancer out and it hasn't spread anywhere else!

As far as staging, It is stage 2 - technically, for those of you who care or know what it means, I am a T3N0M0. For those of you who now what to know what that means :)
T3= The cancer is more than 5cm in diameter
N0= The cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes
M0= No distant cancer spread

So the next step is oncology treatments. I am still waiting for the consult to oncology - they are super backed up so I will probably be referred to a cancer clinic somewhere outside the VA - which is also a good thing - I'm happy to go somewhere that specializes in that - not that the VA doesn't (they do have a primary oncology clinic at the VA)

The Dr today said that they will probably be aggressive in the treatment because I am so young - so I am curious as to what oncology recommends for me treatment wise.
Earlier this week we were at the pharmacy picking up a prescription for Gryphyn (3rd round for this double ear infection :( ) and it was super late so we were talking to the pharmacist. The whole cancer thing came up and she said that her mom had cancer and that she had told her NOT to get chemo unless it was a life or death choice - she explained that chemo is so bad for you body - yes it kills the cancer but it also attacks so many good things in your body as well. You can only have a certain amount in your body because it makes you toxic. Once you get it you can never do it again. So if I choose to do chemo now and the cancer does come back, I'm screwed I can't do chemo again. So I'm really considering NOT doing it now. I don't have all the facts yet but from what I have heard, I am thinking of just doing radiation and an estrogen blocker. The more estrogen you have in your body the higher your risk for cancer - so the less you have the better.

So, yea! for good news finally

Christmas Photos

2008-12-22T09:29:00.008-05:00

I have been waiting to post till I had more info from my drs and I also wanted to add some pictures since the last few posts have just been long posts about me. With all the hectic holiday-ness, I just got around to editing some photos the other day. These are for my mom who doesn't have a computer. Every now and then I will sit down and get a bunch ready to print off and mail to her - honestly who does that anymore :) LOL Gotta love technology!

Some of these Zac posted on his blog already - He loves sharing pix of the men so when he got some new ones, he couldn't help but show them off even though, they were suppose to be our christmas pictures (Oh yeah) That okay, since he put them out there before I had a chance to do cards with them, I got him to take some more. Last night we braved the cold and walked all the way across the street and were able to get some more - which turned out even better than the first set so, "THOSE" will be our Christmas - or probably at this point New Year cards. Stay tuned for those to come soon!

This is one of my favorite photos of the men and I :

Gryphyn - YES he is pretty much wild and crazy all the time :)

Vahn- aka : Mr Smalls -

As for me,I am doing good - I'm up and around and my friends i've seen say that I look great! This past monday, I went to a prosthetic place and got a camisole type shirt with a pocket that you can "stuff" to look like a breast. It makes me look more balanced which is nice. It also has a place to hold my drain tubes - so it is much more comfortable to wear. The drains are actually the most annoying and painful part - they go under the skin and are stitched in place. They are starting to get scabs around them and hurt if they get moved at all. I can't wait to get them taken out. As far as other pain, I am down to 2 pain pills a day. I hurt the most when I wake up - I think from not moving all night and again before bed. During the day it isn't too bad if I don't try to do too much and the men don't crawl all over me. Other wise It sort of feels more like sore muscles during the day which isn't too bad.

>
> I am still waiting to hear back about the test results for staging and further treatment. I have a follow up appt tomorrow the 23rd so I should know more then. I meet with the main surgeon Dr Lee -who has been there for all my procedures but I never met - actually he came to see me this time when I was in recovery. I'm not sure I will know anything yet about if I have to do chemo or not since I was told that oncology will make that call but they will tell me the results of the test to see if it has spread to the lymph nodes. So more updates tomorrow or the next day when I know more.

Back Home

2008-12-10T14:40:00.002-05:00

So, if you haven't heard yet, all went well with my surgery - Here is what I can remember of the past few days:

We got to the hospital at 6am and waited about 30min before they came to get us (so totally could have slept in) They took us back to a little dressing room where I changed into a hospital gown and bagged up all my clothes to be put in a locker - then they came and got me and took be to the pre-op area. Got me all set up in a bed and asked me a bunch of questions, took my vitals etc - then zac kissed me goodbye and they took me off to see anesthesia.

Once there, they got me all hooked up with an IV and gave me something to help me relax. Then they realized that they didn't have a current pregnancy test on me. Such a pain - they did one the day before during my pre-op appt but when I went to have my chest x-ray, the results weren't back yet so they x-ray tech called the lab who said that it had been cancelled - so I just told her verbally that I wasn't preg and we went with that - but before surgery, they had to be sure - so they wanted me to give them a pee sample - of course I couldn't get up to try because they had already given me something by iv -so I got a bed pan instead - yea right! Of course I couldn't go it - you try to lie down and purposely pee in bed - You lose that ability around 4 I think :) So meanwhile, they figure out that they need a blood test anyway so they drew that and checked that way - we had to wait about 30min for that results big shock, it came back negative. So then it was off to surgery - I got a cool little hat and they switched me to the operating table and immediately I was surrounded by people all doing their job and given oxygen and more drugs which quickly had me drifting off to la la land.

When I came too - I was missing a boob - what the?! - Oh wait they were suppose to take that. I was still pretty out of it and nauseous - not as bad as the last operation - but still not much fun. I didn't actually puke until they gave me a pill to settle my stomach. Go figure. They quickly got me all set up in a room and gave me pain med by IV. The pain hasn't been too bad - it was more of the headache and nausiou that was getting to me. I had two roommates who both had their TV's on so I kept my curtains closed to try and block out the light and tired to sleep as much as possible. Zac stayed with me most of the afternoon editing pictures while I slept. He went to get mom and the kids later that night and my boss Tina and my friend Sabrina came to see me and brought me flowers and balloons - I was sort of out of it - but it totally made my day - It is a rule that if you have to be in the hospital, you get flowers and balloons :) Thanks guys!

Shortly after that, Mom, Zac and the Men arrived. Gryphyn wanted to know what everything was and mostly wanted to run around and check out stuff. Vahn immediately climbed up in my lap and gave me a hug - such a sweetie. They didn't stay long since it was bed time for them and I was drifting as well. I had waited to get some pain med till right before they got there because my nurse said it would make me sleepy and I wanted to be awake to see them. So after everyone left, I tried to lay down and realized that the pain was still the same and I couldn't sleep - so she gave me some different stuff and I was soon out. However that didn't last long - due to the constant IV fluid I was getting, I woke up every hour all night long to pee. So annoying! Around 3am I was up peeing again and my nurse was making her rounds, I told her I was starving - they hadn't given me any dinner since I was so nausous before - so the nurse got me some animal crackers and some milk then said that they had just had a christmas party and there was a tray of left over meat, cheese and fruit if I would like any of that - so she made me a plate - I ate some of that and drank my milk and juice - when she came back to check on me she said "good news - you have kept down enough fluid orally that we can take your iv off - so you won't have to get up so often to pee" So then I went back to sleep and got a whole 2hrs in until that came around to check vitals and stuff. - so over all, it wasn't a very restful night.

This morning, I had a bunch of staff come in and see me, my dr, the main dr, nurses, techs, social worker, high school students (taking vitals) and my pastor Kevin came to see me - I sort of drifted in and out all morning. I didn't really find out much info yet, they will call me with the test results in about a week, I have a follow up appt on the 23rd, Skland Prosthetics will contact us about a fake boob and I will be getting a letter to fee base (meaning the VA will pay for it) to the Cancer Center - so for now, I just take my drugs and rest. I don't have any restrictions as far as lifting or moving - I'm not allowed to drive while I'm taking pain meds and I can take the bandages off and shower starting tomorrow.

So, I think that is everything - Thank you to everyone who has been there for me - your prayers and support mean the world to my family and I. :)

Just for fun!

2008-12-08T07:58:00.000-05:00

Surgery

2008-12-06T07:42:00.002-05:00

So much has happened so fast that I can't keep up with who I've told what to. So, here is all the latest info:

On Monday (Dec 1st) I paged my dr about getting an MRI and a different dr answered and said that she had taken over for him - she reviewed my info and called me back and wanted to see me to talk in person. So, the next day (Tue Dec 2nd), I met with plastic surgery and then with her - it was a long day with lots of info and questions and decisions - It left me exhausted mentally and physically!

Here is what we decided

- Next week (Dec 9th) I will have a modified radical mastectomy (on my left side) - this removes all the breast tissue except for the skin - they do remove an oval shaped portion including the nipple and then they will sew the skin back together (sort of like a football). They will also remove lymph nodes from my arm pit area to test and insert a drain to make sure I don't have any blood or fluid build up. About a week later, they will remove the drain and I should also be getting my test results back to determine the staging and how to proceed from there. At this point, I will be referred to oncology and they will make the decision on the chemo and radiation treatments. Once radiation is completed (about 6-12 months out) I will go back for the breast reconstruction. After talking with plastic surgery, we feel that it would be best to wait to do the reconstruction. They said that I would have better results if I waited till after radiation treatments. Radiation destroys tissue and that isn't a good thing for "new" healing tissue - they said they would do it now but most likely I would have to have further surgeries to repair and "fine tune" the breast - so, not what I wanted to hear - I don't really want to be breast-less for up to a year but what do you do - its the best option for the most realistic outcome. We did decide to go with the tummy tuck method over implants - so at least I have on good thing to look forward to :) - we have time to figure out all those details later.

Other questions I have been asked - and the answers :)

Are you positive you know what type of cancer it is?
Dr Turner (my 1st dr) made them double check there findings so yes - when I spoke with Dr Diesen (the new dr), she said that it was invasive ductal carcinoma - which means that it started in the duct and moved beyond them. The section that they took was 2cm and tested negative on the top but the bottom was positive to the edge meaning that they didn't not get all of it out. She also said that the surrounding area was precancerous -meaning that if I left alone, it would become cancer.

Do you know what stage its in?
NO - and they won't know until they remove the lymph nodes. Staging is based on 3 factors - the T (tumor), N (node), and M (metastasis) - currently the T is a T2 which means the mass is larger than 2cm but not larger than 5cm. The N, is whether or not the tumor has spread to the lymph nodes - which they will removed to test during the surgery. The last factor the M -which is if the cancer has metastasized to other parts of the body - again the lymph nodes would tell them this. If the lymph nodes come back negative for cancer then it has NOT spread anywhere else - they always go there first. So if they test positive, then they will do additional tests to see where. I forget the order they "drain" to but the cancer could spread to the brain, liver, lungs, and bones. All of these would not be treated with surgery but with chemo and radiation - so that doesn't change the surgery aspect either way - as for the other breast, they already know it doesn't have cancer in it because the mammogram shows that it doesn't.

Can you positively say its nowhere else in your body?
NO, not yet until we get the lymph node testing back.

Why did you get it? What caused it? Was it job related? Hormones? Bad Genes? Hereditary?
No one knows the answer to this one. I don't have any risk factors that would be an indication that I was a risk for cancer:

You can check out the following link for a list of the risk factors:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_2X_What_are_the_risk_factors_for_breast_cancer_5.asp

Was the lab wrong?
Always possibe but he dr DID have them double check the results because he didn't think it was possible based on factors and what he saw and felt.

Was a proper cancer biopsy done?
Partly yes - they should have removed a larger section as well as lymph nodes - had they know it was cancer. I could go back and have the larger portion and lymph nodes removed and tested then have additional surgery as needed - but essentially, that is what we are doing in the mastectomy (at least I know they will be getting it all) :)

Emotionally, how am I doing?

SIGH - I'm a mess - I think - I'm not really sure on this - all I want to do is sleep and cry, neither of which I have time to do. Two little men require all my time and energy so I have to be there for them. So, I'm just kind of ignoring everything else. I really don't want to lose a boob, I think it will make me feel less of a woman. I already have enough self conscious issues I don't really need this added on top of it. I don't want to be "helpless" I'm really bad and asking for help and letting anyone do things for me. I'm tired of people telling Zac that he is going to have to step up and be my crutch. I hate that he feels like he is going to have to quit his photography (which he loves) and get a traditional job. It breaks my heart that I can't pick up my kids - they don't get that mommy is sick and it hurts to hold them. I so don't want to be - see now I'm crying - enough of that!

I am so thankful that my MIL - Ann is willing and able to come out and help. She gets here tomorrow and will be staying for a month. We don't see eye to eye on everything but I know she loves me and my MEN and always has our best interest in mind. We have always had a good relationship which isn't common in Mother and Daughter in laws :) I am truly blessed that I got Ann as mine!

I am also thankful for all my friends who have been there for me. My church - Underground (http://www.ug-3.com/connect.htm) is already putting together meals for us and countless people have offered to help however they can - childcare, cleaning , hanging out etc...

God has truly blessed me with family and friends that love me - I have every intention of beating this dumb cancer and living a long healthy life!

I don't need a new hobby!

2008-11-26T14:08:00.002-05:00

I told Zac recently that I don't need a new hobby! It seems that all my free time is devoted to cancer now. All I do is talk to people about cancer, search online for cancer stuff, and today I even went to the library and got some book - guess what subject - YEP cancer! "Sigh"

I so want to just crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and make this all go away. Unfortunately, its not going away so I have to do what I can to become informed and fight this!

I am still at such a loss as to what to ask the drs. Its like being stuck in a foreign country where you don't speak the language.

What? HUH? Uhhh - No habla cancera!?!?!

What should I be doing right now? How do I ensure that the decisions that I make now are the best ones to ensure we don't have to go thru all this again in a few years? Will I still feel feminine with fake boobs?

I obviously don't "WANT" to lose my boobs - I am a girl after all. But at the same time, they are just boobs and don't really serve a function (anymore).

Right now, I am all for doing a mastectomy, and really would like to do both breasts. Especially if I can get reconstruction done, (again the whole girl thing) I don't want to be selfish about this and not make the best medical decisions based on my emotions and body image. I feel that making the most radical decisions NOW will help ensure we don't have to go down this road again in the future.

Last week, I had coffee with my friend Deb. Last year, she was diagnosed with breast cancer - (her situation is scary similar to mine - same kind same size etc...) she told me that I should demand a Breast MRI be done prior to surgery. She also gave me a bunch of literature. Its all so overwhelming - but like she said I have to be my own advocate. They wanted to put me on stronger antibiotics when I asked for the biopsy to be done - had I not they wouldn't have found the cancer.

I talked to my dr on Friday and asked him:
If they were going to do a CT scan, Breast MRI and Bone scan?

-He said that there wasn't a rush to do those until after the surgery and they knew better what they were dealing with. The results wouldn't change what they did surgery wise only the treatment afterward.

Deb however, told me that the Breast MRI shows if there is any additional cancer they need to remove and if it is present in the other breast as well.

I also asked him if they were doing both breast why or why not?

- He said that he didn't think it would be beneficial at this point to do both. Again, they don't know what the heck they are dealing with yet. Most women choose to have both done to reduce the chance of reoccurrence but he said even if you do remove the breast tissue, it could still come back in the chest wall or sternum area.

Another question I asked him was if I could have a port for chemo put in during surgery? (so I don't have to have it done later)

-He said based on the size of my mass, he didn't think I would have to have chemo - Again, when I told Deb this she totally disagreed. Her cancer is stage two and was just over 2cm - mine is already 2cm and they know that they didn't get all of it - so I don't see how I wouldn't have to have chemo also - not that I want it mind you but what the heck??? I have no clue what to think or do about all this!

So, I read and ask questions- find others who have been thru this and talk to them on the phone for hours. I spend all my free time searching the web - wow there is a lot of stuff out there. One of my favorites that adds humor to a not so funny subject is: preparetolive.org. It opens with a video of the grim reaper going into the cancer ward of a hospital and ends with a cancer patient chasing him out. Dying has never been an option in my mind with all this but something about the video makes me feel empowered.
Another site planetcancer.com has a video about a girl named Anne.
~ "Anne is lonely. She lives with her mother, has no friends, and is fighting cancer. Her escape from reality exists in the form of The Aviatrix, an intergalactic superhero alter ego who rockets through space to fight the powers of evil on distant planets". It ends with her riding off in her bathrobe (the official uniform of the U. S. cancer team - standard issue) with the lawn man - Cheezy- true but fun none the less! So, while doing all this research isn't my first choice, its where I am now and what I need to be doing - so - I've got a new hobby! Who knows maybe someday I'l make my own short movie! :)

Cancer

2008-11-18T21:24:00.002-05:00

Today I had my follow up appt and unfortunately despite all the prayers, hugs, office supplies, candles etc, I DO have cancer :(

Here is what I remember from the whirlwind of thoughts and decisions that I faced this afternoon:

Its called invasive ductal cancer. Even the dr was shocked that the test came back positive. I have no factors that would indicate a possibility. So, because we hadn't expected it to be cancer, my last operation wasn't to the degree it should have been - basically, they were just doing a biopsy - what they did see concerned them so they took as much as they could see but when the tested it, it came back positive to the edges. Had they know that they were dealing with cancer to begin with they would have taken a much larger sample so the the edges (or margins) would have tested negative.

In order to assign a stage to it, they also need more information. There are 3 factors the T - N - M. I forget what they all are - I got so much info today my heads swimming. But we only have the T which is the diameter (2cm) which will be more than that since they didn't get it all. One of the other factors is whether it has spread to the lymph nodes or not and I think the third is depth but i'm not sure on that. As far as the lymph nodes, there are 2 options in removing and testing them - one would be to remove several at different levels (close to the breast, a bit deeper, and close to the muscle wall) the second option is to inject radiation and dye to track where the drainage is and then remove the infected lymph nodes based on what "lights up"

So at this point, I have 3 options to remove the rest of the mass (by following x-ray, and mammogram findings) plus one of the two lymph node options or option 3, to remove the entire breast (mastectomy)
After weighing our options, recovery, chance of reoccurrence etc... Zac and I decided to go with the mastectomy. "sigh" While its not my first choice, we DO believe that it is the best option to make sure that we remove all of the cancer in 1 surgery and severely lessen my chance of reoccurrence.

When my dr went to consult with the other surgeon and check the schedule for a date, he found out that they may be able to do reconstruction at the same time - Which I am totally for! Hey if I can have one surgery instead of 2 and not have to go with out a boob for months waiting for the reconstruction, I'm all for that! They are checking with Plastic Surgery to see if that is an option and if the date will work. So right now we are looking at do the surgery in 3 weeks (Dec 9th)

As far as chemo and radiation, because they won't know until they remove it and test it what exactly they are dealing with, they can't tell me if or how much I will need. Most likely there will be some just as a preventive measure.

On a somewhat positive note, a few people have told me that they can take the fat from your stomach and butt to do the reconstruction with - I SO hope that is the case! That would be the most amazing thing to happen for having to go thru all this crap! Although I'm sure the recovery would be hell. Heck of a diet plan - throw in some chemo and I'll have the body I've always wanted - Not sure I'm up for the price I have to pay for that though. I'd much rather just stay fat!

For now, there are all sorts of test and stuff that need to be done prior to the surgery - so I'll have a busy few weeks ahead of me. Thank you so much everyone who has been there for me already in all this. Not feeling alone in all this is a huge deal to me. I can't bear the thought of not being there for my Men - they are my world! Although I don't know why this is happening - why me? why now? etc.. I am confident that I am strong and I won't let this get me down. Cancer won't win - I WILL!

Surgery Update

2008-11-15T19:48:00.002-05:00

I just realized its been a long time since I updated my blog - things have been crazy the past few weeks!

If you are new to my blog, you may want to scroll down a few posts to the original post (Boobs!) to get the full story.

So last week, I went in and had surgery to remove the mass - I think they called it an biopsy extraction. The surgery went well and I went home the same day with pain medication. However, I never had any pain and didn't like the way the medicine made me feel - (everything was dream like all the time) so I only took it for a day and a half. Thankfully my MIL was able to come and stay with us to help with the boys - I mostly slept the first few days. Even after I quit taking the medicine, I still had a headache and felt nauseous all the time. That lasted for about a week - boy did that suck.

On Thursday afternoon (nov 13th) I received a phone call with my pathology report I'm not sure who I talked to because I was just leaving work at time and things were crazy around me. I think it was some guy from the lab because he kept saying that he probably shouldn't be the one telling me this???

What I do remember him saying was "I WILL need to have additional surgery because they didn't get it all out because the "margins weren't clearly defined" - (I could have told them that - I still can feel at least 1/2 of it in there) He also said something about it being precancerous or could be cancer - they weren't really sure at this point but was pointing toward cancer"

The following day, I called and spoke to the dr driectly who said -
He didn't have all the test results yet and couldn't give me a definitive answer - what he did know was, the part they did remove was 3 sections - the top palpable lesion, the middle part that appeared to be a cyst and deep margin that looked precancerous. They were still waiting on the final tests on that section. I have a follow up appt on tue (18th) where I should know all the findings and where to proceed from there.

I am quite anxious to know what this is and how to proceed from here - also a bit upset that the didn't' take the whole mass in the first surgery and wondering why?

Last night, I came down with the flu or food poisoning or something - that was so NOT fun - I'm not a big fan of puking! Thankfully Zac was able to take the boys today so that I could sleep. I don't know what I would do with out him - he is amazing! I just keep thinking that today was just a preview of the months to come. If this is cancer and I have to do chemo and all that, I have many more days like today in my future. I so don't want it to be cancer. I'm not scared that I can't fight it, I just can't bear not being there for my little men. I don't want them to have a sick mommy who stays in bed all the time. I'm trying to be brave and just take this one step at a time. I am so thankful that no matter what I won't have to go through this alone - God will be there every step of the way holding my hand and giving me strength when I don't have it and Zac will be there telling me that I CAN do this and to "suck it up" I know that sounds cruel and sometimes I don't appreciate it but Zac knows me and that I refuse to be sick - so sucking it up is what I do! It is his way of reassuring me that I can get through anything.

Our Halloween

2008-11-01T19:09:00.002-04:00

I kind of forgot it was Halloween yesterday - we decided to save our money and skip it again this year. The men aren't old enough to know the difference so it would have been more for mom and dad anyway. I'm sure next year - Gryphyn at least will want to have a say in it and know all about the candy factor involved.

I filled in at the front desk at the gym yesterday afternoon - I was rushing to get out the door and was upset at zac - men just don't get girls feelings sometimes :( anyway - I was mad and running late so I blasted the music and was speeding along when I spot the cop up ahead - OH NO! I so deserved a ticket so what could I do - I was going over 80 in a 60 (he said it was 79) but dropped the charge to 75 so that I wouldn't have to go to court. Man I miss Germany and the no speed limits!

Zac called while I was at the gym and asked if we wanted to meet him for lunch so we met at Applebys and then took the men to a pumpkin patch to take pix and get some pumpkins. Here are a few of the pix from the patch:

Boobs!

2008-10-24T18:06:00.002-04:00

Most of you who follow my blog already know about my boob issues - but just in case, here is a quick overview:

In Oct of 06 I was 3m preg and found a lump in my left boob - in Feb I had an ultrasound done of it. The dr could feel the lump but didn't see anything in the ultrasound so the weren't sure if they should do a mammogram or not (since I was 7m preg by then) After consulting with the area specialists, they decided to go ahead and do one - those findings were inconclusive and eventually chocked up to possibly and clogged milk duct and pregnancy hormones. Once I gave birth and my milk came in, it wasn't noticeable anymore. Fast forward 1 year and I was done nursing and my boobs returned to normal (well somewhat) :) and I again felt the lump only it was twice the size now.
This past Sept, I developed an additional large mass that hurt to touch and was raised and red. I went to the dr and they diagnosed it as mastitis and put me on antibiotics for it. With in a few days, the redness and pain went away - however once I finished the meds, the mass was still there - so my drs ordered another mammogram be done. Shortly after, I received a letter from the breast center saying:
"Your recent mammogram showed an abnormality that warrants further evaluation by your physician or healthcare provider. Please contact your physician as soon as possible to discuss the results of this examination." I already had a follow up scheduled for Wed (15th). It had started to hurt again so I must admit that I was and am curious a bit scared as to what it could be.
At that appt, the breast center faxed a letter to my dr saying:
Ultrasound Findings
Sonographic study of the left breast limited to the upper breast in area of a palpable finding was performed. the study showed a solitary hypoechoic nodule measuring 1.35cm in its largest diameter. It is fairly well localized but sharp demarcated especially posteriorly. it shows minimal distal shadowing. It does show low level homogeneous internal contents. Its nature is uncertain and biopsy would be recommended.
So we scheduled a biopsy for today. Which I just got back from a few hours ago. I'm not sure if I'm upset or relieved. They didn't end up doing a biopsy after all. The Dr was so busy with other patients that the resident (student?) did most of the exam. He kept leaving to consult with the dr and would come back with more questions. Eventually, the dr came in and did an exam then left to consult with a breast specialist.
So the deal is, my boobs are really fibrous - which I'm told is normal for someone my age. This usually changes with your montly cycle but since I have an IUD, I don't have a monthly cycle to compare it with. The concern is that it is tender to touch. So it could be an infection still hanging on or ??? No one seems to know! So after 2 hours of sitting there in a robe showing people my boobs, the dr comes back in and says - we can either start a stronger antibiotic or schedule an appt to remove it. I asked him if he was going to do a biopsy and he said that if he removed it then he wouldn't need to - so i'm still confused as to if they were going to do it if I chose antibiotics? Anyway, I told him to just take it out. I'm tired of dealing with this and not knowing what it is. Its been 2 years now that I've had issues with my boob - I don't want it to be weird and hard and hurt and possible be something that I should have dealt with so I told them to just take it out. So by the time all this was decided, everything else in the hospital was closed so I left my info with pre op and they are suppose to call me. The procedure is suppose to be on the 6th of Nov - but I don't really know anything about it - not even the time! "Sigh"

New Background

2008-10-23T21:48:00.002-04:00

So today, I noticed that one of my friends had a cool background for her blog so I went to the site and downloaded my own - very cool - they have 269 backgrounds to choose from. I found a few I liked and was playing around with them - thus the mess my page now is :(

I got most of it to work but now my pictures are too big - which is one thing I liked was that I could have big pix - I resized the last post but am leaving the rest for now - I may still play more later but for tonight, I'm tired, zac wants to watch a movie and I still have a sink full of dishes to get to - why can't things just be easy!

Kids

2008-10-17T23:10:00.005-04:00

Here are a few of my favorite pictures that I took of my kids at school this past week:

And a picture depicting something Gryphyn said last week:

Fun Times - New pix added

2008-10-13T10:47:00.005-04:00

This past weekend was a good change of pace for us
On Thursday Night I finished up some Pumpkin tie-dye shirts for the kids at school - (I just did the faces - someone else tie dyed them)

Here they are hanging up to dry

Fri morning, I worked on my lesson plan for school and Zac caught up on some editing while we were waiting for my new phone to be delivered.
Then we packed our bags and headed to Tenn.

About 15min into the drive, we stopped in Woodfin at a park that Zac had found recently:
Here are a few pix of the men playing:

After that, we piled back in the van for the drive. We ended up taking a very indirect route thru a very curvy mtn in the dark AND our gas light came on! Luckily the men fell asleep but I was trying very hard not to throw up as Zac did his best to conserve what little gas we did have and coasted as quickly as he could! God was watching out for us because we made it to town and Zac got gas (at 60 cents less than we pay at home) while I walked around getting some fresh air - although it was dark you could tell it was fall. The air was crisp and there were crunchy leaves on the ground. We made our way to the hotel and ended up going to bed early since we weren't really sure where everyone else was (for the rehearsal dinner) and we didn't get very good cell phone service.

The next morning, we got up had breakfast and headed to the B&B where the girls were staying - Zac started his day there getting pix of them getting ready:

(I took the above pix out of the slideshow folder Zac put together to play at the reception)

While Zac was working, the boys and I headed to the farm (where the wedding was) and played and explored while we were waiting for the wedding to start.

The highlight of Gryphyns day was when his friend Tatum showed up - She is our Pastors daughter and Gryphyn absolutely loves her. A few weeks ago he said: "Tatum is my friend - I like her, she has soft hair" LOL

All Vahn wanted was his Daddy - which made it a bit difficult to keep him quiet during the ceremony

The following day, Zac had two more photo shoots in Tenn so the men and I drove around and found parks to play at.
Here are a few more pix of them at the park:

Now we are back home and back to real life - I wish we could stay on Vacation Forever!
Coming back home always sucks - piles of toys, mtns of laundry, never ending list of things that need to be done
SIGH - It was Fun to get away for a few days anyway :)

Rest in Peace!

2008-10-09T22:24:00.002-04:00

This past weekend, the boys and I flew to AZ to attend my Dad's Memorial Service. The ashes weren't ready in time for the ceremony and one of his sisters couldn't make it, so we are planning on having an ash scattering ceremony planned at Apache Lake. He spent a lot of time there growing up fishing and water skiing with his family.

Its sort of bitter sweet. I know he is in a better place now and not in pain anymore but at the same time, I was just starting to have a normal relationship with him and my kids will never get to know him here on this earth.

It has been an emotional week! I'm exhausted from crying so much. Zac has been super busy with weddings and editing so I've pretty much been and single mom on top of all of this. Man I don't know how single moms do it - it is so much work not ever having a break - I guess you just manage and do what you have to in order to get by. I sure don't envy them!

In keeping with the theme of my week, on the flight back home from AZ, I missed my flight and lost my phone - Early Sunday morning we left for the airport to catch our flight back home - we thought 30min would be plenty of time to check in for an early morning flt - WRONG - You must check in 45min prior and they won't send your bag with out you - so even though I could have made it to the plane in time they wouldn't let me because they "couldn't send my bag on a plane that I wasn't on" So they gave us standby tickets for the next flight which we had to wait , 3hrs for. Although my bag still went on the original flight (go figure)

Once I finally get on the plane - we of course don't have seats together - no biggie someone moved for us so we are sitting in the very last row of the plane. The guy next to the window - never uttered a word the whole 5 hour flight but the super rude couple in front of us made sure it was well know that they weren't happy about having kids seated near them. Every time the kids would kick the seat or be loud they would huff loudly or turn around like they were going to do something - the flight attendant on the other had was wonderful - she helped a lot - so anyway - after 5 hours of trying to keep the men contained in a small space and quiet, we were all ready to get off the plane. I dug my phone out of the bag and placed it in the seat back pocket so that I could get to it easier once we landed. Then once we landed, it was too loud in the plane to talk so I decided to just wait till we got off the plane to call zac - by this time, I had 20min to get from B terminal to E terminal so the flt attendant called me one of those electric cars to take me - once I got us all situated on there, I went to get my phone to make my call and realized that I left it on the plane - MAN

So do I go back for it and risk missing my plane or rush for the plane???? The man driving the car called the gate for me and said he would go back and look for it and bring it to me so I went ahead and headed to my next gate - however, I had standby tickets from missing the first flt and there were already 6 others in front of me - so I didn't make the flight anyway. So I head back to the 1st gate and checked with the gate agent just in time to see the original plane taking off again.

Of course its a new gate agent and she doesn't know anything but I'm welcome to wait for the other to return from her break - after a few minutes, of waiting the gate agent tells me that if it HAD been turned in, it would be taken to the customer services desk - so I head down to the desk to check with them. They make a phone call back to the gate and are told that it was turned into baggage. By this time, I have about 30min. I think this will be enough time to get down to baggage and get my phone and run back to the gate to board - so I make the long walk (as fast as I can) to baggage - once there, they look thru their phones and don't have it so they call back to the gate who tells them "NO -we said IF we had it we would turn it in" AHHHHH!! So now I have NO phone and about 10min to make it back to the gate AND I have to go back thru security with the kids. So more rushing, I make it back to the plane (getting a blister on my foot from running in sandals) I didn't have a chance to find a pay phone and call zac back so he has no clue when my flt is getting in - Thankfully, the flt from charlotte to asheville was only 30min. We get off and call zac and then wait for him to come get us.

So, the next day, I call back to Charlotte and check if my phone was turned in - NOPE - so I get the list and #'s of where the plane went and call all of those stops - no luck - so I repeat the phone calls the following day still no luck - so I call Verizon to put a hold on my phone and find out if it is being used - sure enough, I lost it on the 5th and the last phone call was placed and 11pm on the 6th. So then I call my insurance and file a claim but still can't get a phone until they receive and approve my application. Meanwhile, Zac has to go out of town so I am phoneless for a few days

How did I survive before without a phone? I use it way more than I thought I did. I still can't get over that someone else took it and was using it - I guess I'm too nice - If I found someone elses phone (or anything else) I would do everything I could to return it to them. Well at least I get a new phone out of it - It is suppose to be delivered tomorrow during normal business hours - meanwhile it sucks not having one!

Today -wasn't so great :(

2008-09-27T22:26:00.003-04:00

If you are one of my "friends" on myspace then you've probably already read this - I'm not feeling very creative right now so I just copied and pasted what I wrote earlier:

Early this morning, my Dad died! He had been sick for some time now so we sort of saw it coming - but things were looking up lately and we expected him to prove the drs all wrong. He has been in and out of the hospital since June when he was diagnosed with liver and kidney cancer. He also has a history of heart disease but hadn't been having any trouble with is heart lately.

Around 3am a nurse helped him to the bathroom and he wanted to sit in his chair for awhile. Sometime shortly after that the alarms all started going off and they found him on the floor with blood coming out of his nose & mouth. They said it was cardiac arrest. That was his 15th heart attack over the past 20 years or so.

This is all so sudden - I just spoke with him briefly last night - I couldn't hear him very well because I was at work so I told him I would call him back and when I did a few hours later he was in dialysis so I never got the chance to talk to him again :(

He along with the rest of my family are in AZ and I am still in NC - so being so far away has been hard - I may try and make another trip out next week for the memorial service - no plans have been made yet - I am thankful that I did get the chance to go and see him last month and sort of say "goodbye"

thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers - please feel free to write or call anytime - being alone is harder than I thought it would be - my little men keep me busy but zac sill has to work and all I want to do is cry - I'm sure it will pass soon but today has been hard.

I had to get out of the house - I couldn't take the toy tornado that had hit and had no desire to pick it up myself so I packed the kids up headed to Burger King for some comfort food - my favorite - a number 1 with cheese minus the tomato and onion :) Then we drove to the park to play - I wanted some more pix of Gryphyn since I didn't get many the last time we were there - I did take more of Vahn as well but I haven't made pages of those yet - so here are a few of my BIG MAN Gryphyn taken today:

Pictures from yesterday and today

2008-09-20T21:51:00.005-04:00

I'm trying to figure out how to get the slideshows to play in my blog - so if you come across this and it won't play, click on the view full size (in the bottom left of the slideshow) and it should open it in a new screen for you - Ok, off to make more pages :)

It is now 11:30pm and I should really be in bed - in fact Zac just got home from a wedding and told me so :)
Here are a few more I just finished - I took the boys to Amboy Park this afternoon and followed them around with a camera. I realized when I got home that most of them were of Vahn - Gryph is getting big enough to run off on his own but I still stay pretty close to Vahn so most of my pix ended up being of him - don't worry, I still love Gryphyn :)

Digital Scrapbook Pages

2008-09-14T17:31:00.000-04:00

I am in love with this new site I just found out about. One of my friends recently told me about scrapblog - It is the greatest ever! Thank you Jade!

I have been wanting to make scrapbook pages for such a long time now - but don't have the time or space to get out all my stuff and do it. Till today when I discovered www.scrapblog.com - if you like to scrapbook at all - you MUST check out this site - it is so easy to use!

Here are a few pages I just put together in the last few hours:

I so should be in bed - but I just couldn't help it I had to do a few more pages - Did I mention that I LOVE this site!!!
Here are two I made from photos of this past Fathers Day:

Back to real life!

2008-08-19T21:57:00.000-04:00

The men and I got back from AZ about a week ago and life has been nonstop crazy since then. There is a 3 hour time change between AZ and NC so that has been fun trying to get the men to go to bed and get up 3 hrs later. I think we finally got that down. Didn't help that Gryphyn slept with me for the two weeks we were gone so he was very reluctant to sleep in his own bed alone again. Aside from the jet lag, there was the life stuff that piles up while you are away - such as yard work, cat box, dishes and laundry to deal with. Zac does a great job helping out around the house but he is kind enough to leave those for me :) Isn't he sweet!

The main purpose of our trip to AZ was to see my dad - Here is a quick update on him:
His cancer has spread to his Kidneys and they have shut down. He is on dialysis 3 times a week. They are also looking into starting chemo but are waiting on approval from the insurance to do that. He was released from the hospital but went back in twice - the first time, he couldn't breath - that turned out to be something caught in his throat that he ate and the second time for what ended up being diagnosed as severe indigestion. When he went back home the 2nd time, they called him after receiving the results of his labs and wanted him to come back in because his blood was too thin. There is a lot of stuff going on there so I don't know how much longer he has or what new surprise will come tomorrow :(

My little man Vahn - had his final Dr.'s appt for his feet a few days ago on the 15th. They look great! His dr okayed no more medicine or bandages and Vahn is relived to be barefoot (in the house) again! (more pix to come)

This past weekend we did some more work to the house. I nagged Zac long enough to finish my pantry and finally I have shelves to put food on. I ended up painting the inside red because I had a whole can of red left over instead of the white that I thought it was. So it is now red walls with white shelves inside. We still need to hang a door on it but now my cabinets are free to unpack the remaining kitchen boxes that have been stored in my bedroom for months now.

In continuing the craziness, Thursday morning we are driving down to Florida to photograph and celebrate some friends wedding. Well, that depends on what tropical storm Fay decides to do. So far the weather looks good so I'm praying that it will stay that way and we can have a little mini family vacation.

So thats the latest here with us - stay tuned for more to come and pictures to be posted as well!

For MOM - who is going thru withdraws with out new pictures:

2008-08-08T13:47:00.000-04:00

Here are some photos of the last few days.

We have been spending most of our time at the Anthem waterpark - here is a picture of the small slides:

Lauren and Jared waiting in line to go down the BIG slides:

Gryphyn and Mimi (Aunt Mandy) swiming at the water park:

The men and I outside of my sister Danielles place:

Playing in the pool:

And just to insure that things don't get boring, LOOK what I found inside Val's house:

Its a little squished since I had a great need to kill it before I photograhphed it :)

Everyone Jump

2008-08-03T10:39:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we spent the day with my sister Danielle. The house she is staying at has a pool. The kids loved it! We were surprised how daring the youngest members of the family were. Annika and Vahn were fearless! They are 21 & 15 months respectivly. Here is a short video of the daredevils and some pictures of the fun. Sorry they are so bright - It was sunny (image that in AZ) and I couldn't see the screen so I didn't relize the camera wasn't adjusted right :(

The whole gang:

And just cuz its cute - HUGS!

Don't forget The lastest pix of the man feet -
These were taken right after we got out of the pool. You can tell more of the damage when they are wet. When they dry they look more normal:

Left foot-

Right foot -

Fun in the sun!

2008-08-01T14:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we spent most of the day waiting to connect with the rest of the family. By the late afternoon, we were STILL waiting so we headed to the outlet malls to do some shopping. After a few phone calls while we were out, it was obvious that nothing was going to work out and we had wasted most of the day waiting. "Sigh" So we let the kids play in the splash pad at the outlet mall to cool off and run off some of the energy they were desperatly trying to control while enduring shopping with mommy! Here are a few pix from then:

After we were done in the water, I took off Vahns bandages so that his feet could dry out before I rebandaged them. He took advantage of this time to check them out -He hasn't been able to touch them for about 2 weeks now

Here are the latest pictures of his feet from last night :
Right:

Left:

Arizona

2008-07-30T09:27:00.000-04:00

Today we are in AZ - suppose to be 109 today!
Why are we here? Long story!
Here is the short version:
About a month ago I found out that my Dad had liver cancer - then a blood test came back that said it was inconclusive of Cancer - then the drs decided that they had enough info to say it WAS cancer. So, last I heard, he has 6 months to live :(

Because Gryphyn was born in Germany (and some other family drama) plus, we have only been back in the states a few years, my dad has never met my boys and its been years since I've seen him either. So the boys and I flew out yesterday to see the family - (all my immediate family -besides us are in AZ)

Flying for 9 hrs alone with a 3 year old and 1 year old wasn't ideal but my brother in law Josh was able to get us tickets for $70 round trip so the price was right.
We left NC at 8am our time, flew to Detroit MI, changed planes and flew to Huston, TX, then switched planes again and made it to Phoenix, AZ at 6pm our time- It made for a very LONG day. The first two flight went smoothly - we even ALL slept the whole 2nd flight,but the last one sucked!
The boys were done with sitting still on the airplane, the flight attendants weren't very helpful, and the ride was bumpy! Several minutes after we were in the air, Grph took off his seatbelt and laid down on the floor. A flight attendant walked by looked at him and went to the front of the cabin and made an announcement that "we have not reached our cruising altitude and the pilot has not turned off the fasten your seatbelt sign yet - please remain seated with your seatbelt on until he has done so" I knew they were talking to us - "roll eyes"! Apparently she doesn't have small children! So my attempts to get Gryph back in his seat with a seatbelt on resulted in a spanking and lots of screaming - Sigh!
Later when they were passing out drinks, I asked for juice in a sippy cup, but instead got a look and a cup of water and a can of juice. Mind you Vahn is on my lap and so I attempt to keep him from grabbing the cans from the cart while I pour everything into Gryphyns cup. Big surprise, Vahn picks up the can of juice to take a drink and spills it all over him self and me! Good thing I packed him a change of clothes in my carry on! Not so forunate in my own wardrobe choice - by the end of the day, my pants for sure were an indication that I was a mom with small kids! Gryphyn took 3 trips to the bathroom - at least he went in the potty. Anyone who has ever used the bathroom on an airplane knows its not made for a mom and 2 small kids - what an ordeal that was!
When I told Zac, he commented, "How many good flights did you really expect? You are traveling with the Men :)" I guess thats true. We survived and everyone is playing relatively nicely in my sisters living room as I type this.

As for my dad, I am going to call in a bit to find out the latest but last I heard, this was the status:

~He has psoriasis
~A large mass on the left side of his liver and 2 small ones on the right side
I asked him about the blood test that said the cancer was inconclusive and he said they had enough other information that they were NOT going to do another liver biopsy

~He can't get an appt with the Oncologist until the 4th of Aug - not sure if that will just be a consult or treatment
~ His legs and stomach are about 3x their normal size from all the fluid retention. He has to go in again and have space between his stomach and intestines drained - so he can breath better. Last time, they removed a liter of fluid. And it help tremendously.

~He can also only eat a few bites of food at a time because of the pressure on his stomach and lungs (can't get too full)
~ His dr and pharmacy aren't communicating well so he is having trouble getting his meds refilled. He only has a few days of blood thinners left (for the blood clot in his lungs) and he has been out of another med for 3 days now that removes the build up of ammonia - that is out put by his liver not functioning. So ammonia is building up in his body.

For those of you checking in on Vahn's status, he is doing much better - more pix to come soon - his right foot is starting to peel and his left is almost completely call new skin. I still have to put the medicine and bandage on it but he walks around like it is fine now!

Stay tuned - more updates to come!

Day 10

2008-07-27T20:34:00.000-04:00

Day 9 picture

2008-07-26T17:57:00.001-04:00

A few of my online friends mentioned that they heard about our story on the view this morning.

The suspense of what was said on the view was killing me so I did a little online research and came up with this link:
http://abc.go.com/daytime/theview/video

click on the video link pictures at the bottom titled
- Hot Topics 7/25: Kid Tips
Whoopi warns parents about playgrounds in the heat.

We aren't specifically mentioned - they say "we all saw the pictures of the kids feet in the paper"

Great now I have to search the papers too - LOL

I never did come up with anything about us in the newspapers just a story about some kids in NY who were burned last year - they were doing a follow up story this year. You can check out that link at:

http://www.wnbc.com/news/16935979/detail.html

One Week

2008-07-25T20:56:00.000-04:00

Today is 1 week from the day Vahn walked out on the black top and burned his little feet. This morning, he took a few steps and by the end of the day he was walking around again. I am so excited - it is the most awesome thing to see him walking again after all he as been thru this past week.

Here is a short video of Vahn playing with Daddy

And of course the newest picture of his left foot - taken tonight:

Day 7 - update and picture

2008-07-24T22:49:00.000-04:00

Update later - but here is the latest pix from tonight:

Update 1 week after
- we went to the specialist this morning and things are looking good! Yea for good news!
We got a different type of wrap - the kind they use when you have blood drawn - so that he can't pull it off. And they said that I could stop giving him the tylenol and motrin unless he seemed to be in pain.
This morning when he woke up he was standing up in his crib and later today he even took a few steps on it.
I'm so excited that he is healing so quickly and will make a complete recovery!

Day 6

2008-07-23T21:37:00.000-04:00

Thankfully - I finally have NO new news to report!
Vahn is doing great - Still doesn't like you to "mess" with is foot - but it is healing and starting to look better (if you can say that at this point)
He has also become more independent and figured out how to get around and climb again - so he is back to his old trouble making ways. :) Such as pulling his bandages off - HONESTLY! I asked the dr today if there was anything I could do about that and she said - "he's 14m - not a whole lot you can do but watch him and try to keep him from grabbing them" Right who wants to take shifts with me??

Here are a few pix of him playing with Gryphyn eariler today. As you can see, he can stand on his right foot but he holds the left one back out of the way - he uses the top of his left foot and his left knee to stand up and crawl up and down from things

Here is the picture from tonight - when we changed the bandage. You can see that the blister on his heal is getting smaller and there is more new skin forming around the outside edge of the large blister area.

Day 5 - update

2008-07-22T21:25:00.000-04:00

This morning, I received a call that the Wound Care Specialist wanted to see Vahn at 9:40 am - that gave me about an hour to get everyone ready and out the door. Zac had stayed up all night working on pictures for a client and was going to stay home with Vahn while I took Gryphyn to the lake for some Mommy and Gryphyn time - he has been sort of left out since Vahn requires some extra attention right now. So, Gryph ended up staying home with Daddy (despite his mere 3 hours of sleep) and Vahn and I headed to the appt.
We had to wait forever - I was about to ask someone if we were ever going to be seen when they finally called us back (an hour and 15min after we arrived) The nurse and dr that we saw were so amazing though that the long wait was forgiven! - It was by far, the best dr experience I have ever had. I'm not a big dr fan anyway. The were very focused on us - talked and played with Vahn and answered all of my questions with out making us feel rushed.

While we were there, they trimmed a bit more off his large blister and cut open the one on his heal (which had gotten bigger since yesterday) They also said to try and keep the sulfide cream off of his toes. They were getting too wet and that could cause them to breakdown staying wet all the time. They also pointed out where the new skin was growing around the inside edges of the big blister and said that the one on his heal may get bigger or dissolve - they weren't quite sure. Vahn did so well with all the "messing" with his feet - the dr even commented that he was braver that most of the big people that they see! He goes back to see them on Friday. (Tomorrow is the follow up with dr at our family clinic.)

Later this afternoon, Zac was making plans to meet the family who he stayed up all night doing pictures for. They both happen to be employed by our local news channel 13 and when the topic of Vahn's feet came up they asked if we would come in and do a story for the news. They were already working on a story about the heat we have been experiencing lately. I was a bit hesitant, I still feel like a bad mom for letting this happen - but agreed to do the story. Joking they should put be behind one of those back curtains so you can't see my face :)
I had printed out the progression pictures for the drs and had those with me so they copied those as well and interviewed our family. We thanked them and headed to a local lake to let the men play - as we were getting ready to leave the lake, the camera man showed up (we had mentioned thats where we were headed when we left the station) He wanted to get some more video footage of the men to expand the story for the 10 o'clock news. Later when we got home and were changing Vahns bandages we took more photos and emailed those to the station as well. The video is suppose to be available on their website wlos.com. It is titled Dangerously Hot. So far we have been unable to get it to play though. I think it may be because they are running the story again this hour. I'm anxious to see how it turned out.

11pm update - Video added now along with a new one titled "Baby's feet burned" - that video wasn't up quite yet though

Here are the photos that we sent them:

UPDATE from todays dr visit!

2008-07-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

This afternoon we had a follow up at the dr's office. They were very concerned about the size of his blister - 2 other drs came in to see it -and I over heard staff in the halls asking if they had seen the burned feet.
Why can't we ever be famous for good reasons? ? ? ?

Once the dr we were seeing came in, she said that we needed to pop the blister. She said something about it being a _____ for infection. (I missed what she said) Thankfully, Vahn fell asleep waiting for her so he snored though the whole procedure. He did kick and squirm a few times but never woke up. She cut the big blister off and drained it (ewww). Underneath was another blister looking thing - it was this gelly like material though - she took that off as well and underneath that is all raw and gross looking - makes me want to throw up looking at it :(

- I just changed the bandages and put him down for the night - As horrible as it looks still - I have to admit that it looks much better than it did right after the procedure - I wish I would have taken a pix then.

Vahn has another follow up appt on Wed morning. They are also suppose to be calling me to set up a consult with a wound specialist - so thats the latest - Here is a picture of his left foot I took when I changed the bandages tonight - I want to trim it more but I don't have anything sterile to do it with. The dr even left to get sharper scissors when she was working on it???

Update

2008-07-20T21:22:00.000-04:00

Today was much better for Vahn (and me) - I was totally expecting him to be fussy and clingy again all day - but he actually gave into the crawling thing and was able to get around and play. His Right foot is much better - he is acting like it is fine - kicking it and standing up on it - the left one is much worse and he can't put any pressure on it. We go back to the dr again in the morning - I am curious if they will drain the blister or just let it pop on its own - it just seems so BIG and I wonder if it would be better with out all the pressure of the blister on it???

Here are a few pictures from last night - (they look about the same today)!

Here is also a short video of him playing at the park tonight -it isn't that great since I took it with my phone but you can see that he is feeling much better - playing and acting more like my crazy little man!

Man Feet

2008-07-19T12:46:00.000-04:00

I feel like the worst mom in the world!
Yesterday, I went outside to check the mail. I didn't want to carry Vahn all the way down to the street so I sat him in the grass to play. By the time I got to the mail box, he was screaming in pain. I ran back up the drive way to see him "dancing" on the hot black top barefoot. I scooped him up and put his feet in cool water - for over an hour I kept him there every time I tried to take him out he would scream. - Poor little guy - we called the dr and they wanted to see him so we took him in and found out that he has 2nd degree burns on both of his feet! I feel so bad for him - I know how much burns can hurt. They gave me a cream to put on them and said to keep them wrapped up and socks on and to alternate tylenol and motrin all weekend - they want to see him back on Monday.

I feel so bad! I know its not really my fault - I put him where he was safe - I just wish I could take his pain away!

Here are some pictures Zac took after we saw the dr

Gryphyns Happy Day Party

2008-07-18T09:38:00.000-04:00

On the 12th of July we finally had Gryphyn's birthday party. His actual b-day was on Tuesday the 8th but with 4th of July plans and people traveling, we decided to wait until the following weekend. However, I was disappointed to find out that a lot of people were still out of town the following weekend :( We only had 4 kids show up to the party! I think the party went well though despite the small number. We went to East Asheville Park and let the kids play for about 30 min - then walked up the street to the Fire and Rescue Station #8. The Firemen were so nice and let the kids checkout the trucks despite them all being shy at first. Then one of the men pulled out all his gear and put it all on explaining what each piece was and how it protected him. Afterward, we headed back to the park and had cake and opened presents. We literally took hundreds of pictures. Here are a few of my favorites - you can check out some of the others at:

http://s223.photobucket.com/albums/dd44/mailjam/G-%20happy%20day/?albumview=slideshow

Happy Birthday Gryphyn!

2008-07-08T07:54:00.000-04:00

Today my baby turns 3! As a gift to me - I am getting a blog - so much happens so fast and I need somewhere easy to post and share lifes little moments. So here is how I see things - thru my mommy eyes!