Christmas

Its no big secret that I LOVE Christmas!

I go a little crazy decorating the house and look forward to the day the radio stations start playing Christmas music. I program all the "Christmas stations" on my presets and put Christmas CDs in the player for when they stations play commercials

I Love:
-bundling up in coats and hats and mittens because of the chill in the air
- the snow on everything & sledding (now that I live where it snows)
- driving around seeing all the houses with lights
- the Christmas decorations in all the stores
- caroling
- baking cookies and pies and breads for the holiday parties
- the Advent church services
- decorating the tree
- watching Christmas movies bundled up by a fire
-& the way everyone seems to smile at strangers (well for the most part)

Then there are all the things that I HATE about the holiday season.

- The stress & GREEDINESS
- the Black Friday Sales where people stand in line for hours and then push and shove to get the best deals
- the desire to buy MORE and MORE stuff that we don't need - just because its a good price.
- the feeling that you have to get something for everyone that just ads up to stacks and stacks of presents under the tree!
(You shouldn't have more presents than you do tree!)
- Then spending hours trying to figure out how to politely write thank you notes for all the things you didn't want & now have to figure out where then came from & stand in line to return.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we "shouldn't" buy presents for our families and friends. But it seems that the PRESENTS have become the meaning of Christmas.

I will be out with my kids and the big question from everyone we meet is -
"What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
During the holidays, are kids are "taught" to be greedy!
I know its only natural to want things, but I struggle with how to teach my kids to be givers instead of being so selfish all the time.

A few weeks ago,(by request) we were going thru the ads from the Sunday paper and circling what we wanted and Gryphyn was being super greedy to the point of throwing a fit when I declined some of his requests to circle. I knew then that I was encouraging his greediness. But didn't know what to do.

The next morning, while eating breakfast, he picks up the ads and starts with the "I want ...." So, I tried to turn things around, I asked Gryphyn what he wanted to get for his brother Vahn for Christmas and he says "umm maybe a magazine" and goes on pointing out the toys that "he" wanted for himself. So I took the ads away and we had a talk about giving to others and and asked him if he thought Vahn would like to have a magazine. I explained that it was selfish to give something cheap so that we can buy more expensive things for ourselves. I'm not sure how much sunk into his little 4 year old brain. But I decided then that we were doing things different this year.

The Men and I are going to make all our presents that we give away and I've asked everyone to not buy them a bunch of toys and stuff they don't need. I would love to do some sort of service type project with them but I think they may be a bit young for that still (at 2 & 4).

I want to spend more time together as a family, focus on Jesus, HIS story and to GIVE in what ever way we can.

I came across the following video on a blog I follow. It is primarily for a project that supplies clean water to those who don't have it but I LOVE the wording and meaning of the video. Christmas IS about Christ's birth -celebrating him - teaching THAT to our children.

I hope it touches you like it did me:

Tattoos!

Today I got my first tattoo. Heck I got 3 of them!
They aren't anything cool though- just 3 little blue dots for Radiation.



Thanks to the Web :0) Here are the answers to your questions!

Why do I need tattoos to get radiation?

Tattoo markings that are used for radiation therapy are very small (around 1 millimeter), about the size of a freckle or the head of a pin. They are necessary so the radiation therapist can precisely pinpoint the area needing treatment. These permanent markings are crucial for ensuring the accurate targeting of the tumor area. It also allows the technician to line up the treatment fields quicker making each of your treatment sessions run more smoothly.

What do the tattoos look like?

The tattoos are created by placing a drop of dark blue or black India ink on the skin and then using a sterilized needle to implant a bit of the ink within the skin layer. The process feels like a pinprick, much less painful than when you have blood drawn. Each tattoo is often smaller than a freckle, which, in most cases, would not be seen by anyone other than the patient who knows that they are there or the therapist.



Actually, not really! Its a quick simple procedure and so far I haven't had any side effects.
I do have to go EVERY day (except weekends) which sort of sucks but at least it doesn't take the 7 hours that chemo treatments did.
The whole thing takes anywhere from 30 min to an hour depending on the day and if I need to have slides, or ct scans done or if its my day to see the Dr.
X-rays or Slides are done on Mon and Wed, Mini CT scans on Friday and I see the dr once a week.

The machine they use is pretty cool.
Here is a picture of a machine similar to the one they use



All I do is lay on the table while the whole thing rotates around me.
The head unit is capable of doing the x-rays, ct scans and administer the radiation.
Before we started, they did a complete CT scan of my chest and they used that to make a virtual "me" in the computer. From that image, they map my radiation treatments.
On Mon & Wed when they do the scans, they compare them to the virtual "me" to make sure that I am in the right place. Same with the CT scans - they compare those to the originals and adjust as needed. Prior to todays tattoos, I had permanent marker "x's" covered by little clear sticker. These are the external points that they line me up by to begin with. Then they can move the table or equipment to make sure they are in the right area. Pretty Cool!

As for that cool tattoo, I still may get it.
I never have wanted a tattoo before. But now I kind of do. Sort of a reminder and celebration of all that I've been thru.
I'm still not sure what or where but have been thinking of getting a pink cancer ribbon that dissolves into butterflies. I like the symbolism of the cancer dissolving into something beautiful. Cancer is just the caterpillar stage of my life. But I'm confident that I can transform into a beautiful graceful butterfly soon! At least thats my goal!

I kind of like this tattoo. Although I don't think I want mine to be really big or purple and of course this one doesn't have the ribbon. If any one can draw or comes across a picture, please send your ideas my way.

Happy Birthday Smalls

On Sunday April 26th, my baby turned 2!


I can't believe its been 2 years already - where does the time go???

My last chemo treatment has been rough, I'm super tired lately and have zero energy - which totally sucks. I joked that it only makes sense to feel so bad the week before Vahn's b-day since that is how I felt 2 years ago waiting for him to make is appearance. However, this time, I got to sit back and relax while someone else did the work!

Thank you so much to my sister Valerie for all the work you did to make Vahns party happen. Zac was in Florida for a wedding for the weekend and my MIL Ann was visiting (which also was a BIG help) Thank you Mom! But Valerie was the one who did all the party prep and shopping (food, presents, decorations, etc...) Then made us super yummy dinner and baked and decorated the cutest car cakes for Vahn.







I wanted to have a big party and invite lots of people but I didn't have the money or energy for that this year - so I was happy to finally have family in town and be able to have our 1st "family" birthday party.

Here is a picture of all the kids on their plasma cars- well except Gryphyn - Uncle Josh sat in for him since he was busy throwing a fit because he couldn't sit on the "green" car! He is very much into the color green right now and everything has to be green. If there is a green option, he has to have it or he melts down.



Vahn on the other hand, is pretty laid back and generally happy with whatever.

His favorite presents were:

The plasma car - now we have 2 so they don't have to fight over it - however they both want the new one now


Ball - still a big fan of balls


and his new cup - it has cars on it!


Happy Birthday Little Man - I love you!

"MONSTERS"

Yesterday I had some time to kill waiting in the drs office so I decided to use the time to catch up on my reading.

I should have brought one of the many books I have been meaning to get to, or at least chose the photography magazine that, I have been carrying around in my bag for months now. The one that Zac keeps asking me if I've read yet - yeah someday I really do intend to read that - Really I do want to. (Some how I don't think Zac is convinced)

But yesterday, I wasn't feeling up to anything that required a lot of brain power or deep though.
I mean how often to I get away by myself. Granted I was sitting in the waiting room at the VA getting ready to be stuck by needles and put in a machine to look at my heart, but to me this was relaxing - a little mini vacation - KID FREE.
No one crying or screaming or fighting, no one asking for more juice or to take them potty. No "what are we doing next time?" (meaning when we are done here), No "Babis" or "ba-ba requests". I was for once surrounded by adults who were content to nod and smile at my presence and not require anything more from me.

Yet somehow my focus was still on my little men. So after glancing thru the piles of magazines that were no kidding several years old (they really need to update those) I pulled a Parents magazine out of my bag and started flipping thru it.

Mostly looking at the pictures occasionally reading an article that sounded interesting.
One article I did read was about organizing the kids playroom - with the boys room STILL not finished, their toys are mostly in the living room and I'm always trying to find a way to make my living room NOT look like a toy store that was hit by a tornado.

The article started off with the author describing her kids playroom, saying it looked like a lego eating monster had barfed on the rug! I was dying laughing YES, that was SO my house - not legos (yet) but definitely some sort of preschool toy eating monster regularly gets sick in my living room!

While I was away at my dr appt, I think our "monster" called some of his friends because later that evening, the play dough eating monster visited my kitchen. Maybe HE should have been the one at the dr -because it didn't take long for him to spew brightly colored play dough bits everywhere!











I know tonight when I run the bath for the men, the water monster will sneak into the tub while I am not looking and splash water all over the bathroom requiring a minimum of two giant super absorbent towels to mop up the mess.

I'm sure some part of me will miss all of our "MONSTERS" when they are gone, but for now,
I'm considering posting some "no monsters allowed signs"

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

Lately, I have been writing down the funny things Gryphyn says and Vahns new word.

I thought I would share them in a post.





Are you done sweeping? - "No, I'm still scooting"

"Have to sweep the rug , there are germs on it"

When Vahn woke up from a nap and walked out to the living room - "It's the smalls! Hi Smalls!"

When looking at my prom picture - "I don't want you to be a princess"

"Mommy what's today?" Umm Wednesday "Wednesday? Thats cool"

When apologizing to Vahn - "I'm sorry for saying bad choice words for him"

When I asked him if he was excited to sleep in his own room again - "It's going to be COOL! It's going to be a little scary sleeping in there"

While looking at one of my fitness magazines - "What she doing? Why her not have clothes on?" (she was wearing a swimsuit)

After pausing a movie for a potty break - "Don't pause it back"

"There's Oh Tea Toe" - R2D2 on Star Wars

Zac asked him - Should we ditch you somewhere? "No, I'm not a plate" Not a DISH, Ditch :)

We have been working on not telling everyone to shut up - from the other room, I heard - "Vahn - You shut down"







We taught both of our boys sign language before they could talk - Gryphyn signed a lot more than Vahn does - and now that Vahn is starting to talk more, he isn't signing as much either.

Here is a list of words that he still signs on a regular basis:

Thank you - Sleep - All gone (all done) - Diaper

The following words, he signs AND says together:

Hat - Please - Apple - Milk - Juice

Words that he says:

Mama - Dada - Done - Ball - No - More - Shoe - Owww - Flower - Bye bye - Go -Stop -Snack - Cheese - Apple - Please - Butt

Additional words in his own language:

Ahh Haa (for Yes) - Ba ba (for his pacifier / sucky) - Ba-bis ( for Bob the builder) Shoe - shoe ( for train / choo choo ) and most other things are some sort of version of "Ba-bis" or "shoe shoe"

He is very interested in talking and tries to say the words right when you tell him what something is - but hasn't quite figured out how to make his mouth make all the sounds yet - its cute to watch him try - :)

2nd round of Chemo

Oh the joy of Chemo days!

Yesterday, I spent another 6hrs at the oncologist office.
Everything went well - all my blood work was good and I had no problems with the treatment - it just takes FOREVER to get it all.

Here is a quick run down of the day

~9:15am - finally get everyone packed up and out the door
~Drop the men off at school along with all accessories & car seats
( they went home with Gryphyn's teacher afterward)
~Stop and get breakfast for Zac
(who wasn't up in time to eat before we left - in typical Zac fashion)
~Arrive at the oncologist office for 10:30 scheduled time
~Wait in waiting room forever to get called back
~Move to new room with 3 others and wait my turn for vitals (all good)
~Move to exam room down the hall to see nurse
(quick check up, answer questions etc.)
~Finally move to chemo treatment room
~Get all hooked up to port



~Draw blood through port
(to make sure it's in the right place and to test my levels
and see if I'm "well" enough to receive treatment)
~Results all came back good - so they start mixing my meds
~12:00 - finally ready to start chemo
~Take tylenol, benadrly and 2 antinausa meds


Chilling with a magazine while getting anti-nausea iv

~ 1pm (ish) Start on the 4 ivs of chemo and HER2 drugs

Getting sleepy (thats my nurse Sharon in the back gound)

~Slept for a bit while Zac took off to drop off my prescription at the VA pharmacy and get us some lunch and a few things from Wal-Mart
~ 3pm - Zac back with lunch - Chick -Fil-A - YUMMY!
~5pm - finally done for the day
~"YAWN" what a long day!

Then we still had to go pick up my meds from the VA and get the lil men from Jennifers house.
Thank you again Jennifer for keeping them for me - You have been such a blessing to us - especially on these long treatment days!

A few details that I know some of you will ask :)

I got some new meds for heartburn and Zac also picked up some head and shoulders type shampoo for me to shower with - I forgot what they called it but I broke out on my hairline everywhere - first under my arms mostly on the left side so I thought maybe it had something to do with the lymph nodes being removed from that side but I also now have it on the back of my neck, chest, bikini line and a few on my legs - so they said to shower with the anti dandruff stuff since it also has a med in it to prevent breakouts - humm who knew - worth a try a least. I so don't want to be the bumpy, pasty, bald girl. LOL

I go back tonight at 5pm for the nulasta shot (to stimulate white blood cell growth) It was quite painful last time - so I'm anticipating lots of pain killers and sleep for tomorrows schedule.

Thank you in advance for the prayers- I only had about 4 bad days first time around - so I'm hoping for the same or less this time around!

Shaving Party

A few weeks ago I posted that I was going to have a shaving party when my hair started falling out. It proved to be pretty difficult to get everyone together for a shaving party - especially when I didn't know exactly when I would start shedding. Luckily, my sister in law, Mandy, was able to fly out to see us around the time the doctors said I could expect the transformation to begin.

I was hesitant to shave it if it wasn't going to fall out - so on Wednesday morning when it DID start to fall out, I was actually relieved. That morning, when I ran my hands through my hair I got 4 or 5 strands each time - but by that night, it was around 20-25 each time. So we decided it was time to shave it.

We had so much fun - we laughed A LOT and joked that "THIS" is why you should always have a professional cut your hair. Zac was on hand to capture everything in photographs and add a few creative designs himself.

Here is the video of this step in my journey: