I just realized its been a long time since I updated my blog - things have been crazy the past few weeks!
If you are new to my blog, you may want to scroll down a few posts to the original post (Boobs!) to get the full story.
So last week, I went in and had surgery to remove the mass - I think they called it an biopsy extraction. The surgery went well and I went home the same day with pain medication. However, I never had any pain and didn't like the way the medicine made me feel - (everything was dream like all the time) so I only took it for a day and a half. Thankfully my MIL was able to come and stay with us to help with the boys - I mostly slept the first few days. Even after I quit taking the medicine, I still had a headache and felt nauseous all the time. That lasted for about a week - boy did that suck.
On Thursday afternoon (nov 13th) I received a phone call with my pathology report I'm not sure who I talked to because I was just leaving work at time and things were crazy around me. I think it was some guy from the lab because he kept saying that he probably shouldn't be the one telling me this???
What I do remember him saying was "I WILL need to have additional surgery because they didn't get it all out because the "margins weren't clearly defined" - (I could have told them that - I still can feel at least 1/2 of it in there) He also said something about it being precancerous or could be cancer - they weren't really sure at this point but was pointing toward cancer"
The following day, I called and spoke to the dr driectly who said -
He didn't have all the test results yet and couldn't give me a definitive answer - what he did know was, the part they did remove was 3 sections - the top palpable lesion, the middle part that appeared to be a cyst and deep margin that looked precancerous. They were still waiting on the final tests on that section. I have a follow up appt on tue (18th) where I should know all the findings and where to proceed from there.
I am quite anxious to know what this is and how to proceed from here - also a bit upset that the didn't' take the whole mass in the first surgery and wondering why?
Last night, I came down with the flu or food poisoning or something - that was so NOT fun - I'm not a big fan of puking! Thankfully Zac was able to take the boys today so that I could sleep. I don't know what I would do with out him - he is amazing! I just keep thinking that today was just a preview of the months to come. If this is cancer and I have to do chemo and all that, I have many more days like today in my future. I so don't want it to be cancer. I'm not scared that I can't fight it, I just can't bear not being there for my little men. I don't want them to have a sick mommy who stays in bed all the time. I'm trying to be brave and just take this one step at a time. I am so thankful that no matter what I won't have to go through this alone - God will be there every step of the way holding my hand and giving me strength when I don't have it and Zac will be there telling me that I CAN do this and to "suck it up" I know that sounds cruel and sometimes I don't appreciate it but Zac knows me and that I refuse to be sick - so sucking it up is what I do! It is his way of reassuring me that I can get through anything.
- ► 2009 (17)